Transcript
00:00:05 Joanna Lindenbaum
I’m Joanna Lindenbaum, a coach, ritualist, and all-around transformation nerd who is obsessed with helping clients go deep to create more change and results with their clients.
00:00:19 Joanna Lindenbaum
I created the Coaching Revolution podcast to share with you coaching skills, tips, and advice, as well as a deeper understanding of human behavior and of yourself.
00:00:30 Joanna Lindenbaum
so that you can do even better client work and group work, grow your business organically, and know that you’re making a real difference in the world.
00:00:41 Joanna Lindenbaum
This is about creating a revolution in the transformational industry so that more practitioners feel amazing about what they do and so that more of our clients experience life-changing shifts.
00:00:55 Joanna Lindenbaum
Let’s get started.
00:01:00 Joanna Lindenbaum
So last month I gifted myself with my yearly astrology reading for my birthday.
00:01:08 Joanna Lindenbaum
I don’t know how much I actually believe in astrology in terms of predicting the future or things like that, but I really do love it as something that can sometimes give me insight into my personality
00:01:22 Joanna Lindenbaum
and into my patterns.
00:01:24 Joanna Lindenbaum
Whether it’s ultimately true or not, I find that it can spark ideas that are resonant inside of me and really help me understand myself more deeply.
00:01:34 Joanna Lindenbaum
For example, my son is in Virgo, and according to astrology, if you’re Virgo, you’ve got a lot of attention to detail and nuance, and that is one of my specialties.
00:01:46 Joanna Lindenbaum
I am
00:01:48 Joanna Lindenbaum
really, really good at breaking things down, at giving attention to detail.
00:01:53 Joanna Lindenbaum
That’s one of the things that I think is my special sauce when it comes to teaching and training and all of those things.
00:02:02 Joanna Lindenbaum
So anyway, in this session for my birthday, the astrologer mentioned that one of my main lifelong lessons that I’m supposed to be working with my whole life
00:02:18 Joanna Lindenbaum
The thing that I’m going to keep on coming round to in my lifetime to gain more wisdom about and the thing that I’m also going to sometimes struggle with is what she would call sacred recognition.
00:02:33 Joanna Lindenbaum
The moment that she said the phrase sacred recognition, my entire mind, body, and soul knew exactly what she was talking about.
00:02:44 Joanna Lindenbaum
I felt such a deep resonance
00:02:47 Joanna Lindenbaum
around the need for sacred recognition, the glory and the pain around sacred recognition.
00:02:55 Joanna Lindenbaum
And also I was just really noticing how much my life and work are entwined with this idea.
00:03:02 Joanna Lindenbaum
And even though I had never used this exact phrasing before,
00:03:09 Joanna Lindenbaum
The topic of sacred recognition is something that is something I teach about and support clients and students with in so many different ways.
00:03:21 Joanna Lindenbaum
There are different ways that I would define sacred recognition, but for the purpose of our podcast episode today, I’m gonna define it in this way.
00:03:32 Joanna Lindenbaum
It’s that deep, deep need that we as humans have to be seen by another human or group of humans for what is good, profound, or brilliant inside of us.
00:03:47 Joanna Lindenbaum
And it’s also the sacred affirming way that it feels when we get that authentic recognition, when another human being really sees how magnificent we are when they let us know and when we can really take it in on a deep level.
00:04:09 Joanna Lindenbaum
This experience of sacred recognition, I’ll tell you for myself,
00:04:15 Joanna Lindenbaum
it not only means so much to me, but it’s been incredibly transformational for me.
00:04:23 Joanna Lindenbaum
For example, when a client tells me that our work together is what helped them more deeply love themselves, or when a client tells me that they see me as the one who was finally able to help them achieve something that they’ve always wanted to achieve, or when they share with me that the way that I hold and create space
00:04:44 Joanna Lindenbaum
is so healing for them.
00:04:48 Joanna Lindenbaum
The way that they feel inside of my groups, that feeling of full acceptance and connection is so important to them.
00:04:57 Joanna Lindenbaum
Any kind of recognition like this, it helps me take even more deep ownership of who I am and what my strengths are.
00:05:11 Joanna Lindenbaum
It gives me confidence and inspiration, and it really helps me embody my sacred purpose even more deeply.
00:05:21 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, as an aside, I just want to make sure that I’m clear.
00:05:26 Joanna Lindenbaum
There is absolutely a difference between receiving sacred recognition from a client versus a client putting you on a pedestal.
00:05:37 Joanna Lindenbaum
If a client is putting you on a pedestal,
00:05:40 Joanna Lindenbaum
for example, fully crediting you for their success or going on and on and on about how incredible you are almost in a hierarchical way or a way that they think that you are better than them, then my friend, that is not sacred recognition and that’s not a moment to take in the praise.
00:06:01 Joanna Lindenbaum
Because in those cases,
00:06:04 Joanna Lindenbaum
your client is likely projecting onto you.
00:06:08 Joanna Lindenbaum
And it is a moment to work with them to own something that they’re not quite owning inside of themselves.
00:06:18 Joanna Lindenbaum
But that’s a skill set for another day.
00:06:21 Joanna Lindenbaum
I digressed a little bit.
00:06:23 Joanna Lindenbaum
I was sharing that sacred recognition is so deeply meaningful for me when I’m able to take it in.
00:06:31 Joanna Lindenbaum
But at the same time,
00:06:34 Joanna Lindenbaum
that astrologer mentioned that sacred recognition would be a lifelong wound for me.
00:06:41 Joanna Lindenbaum
And that feels very true because I know so viscerally the longing, the deep, deep longing for wanting to be really seen for my gifts and talents.
00:06:58 Joanna Lindenbaum
especially when it comes to my profession and my purpose in the world.
00:07:02 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I also know so deeply the pain that I feel when I think I’m not being seen or not being recognized.
00:07:13 Joanna Lindenbaum
And this is a little embarrassing to admit, but I’m gonna go ahead and admit it.
00:07:18 Joanna Lindenbaum
I am sometimes jealous of big name coaches or practitioners, people like Tony Robbins.
00:07:26 Joanna Lindenbaum
but not because of how much money Tony Robbins makes, and not because of his fame per se, but because of the recognition that he receives.
00:07:38 Joanna Lindenbaum
because of the ways so many people respect him, recognize his brilliance or his wisdom or whatever it is.
00:07:47 Joanna Lindenbaum
And yes, I know he also receives a lot of shade.
00:07:50 Joanna Lindenbaum
And also I don’t really follow his work.
00:07:53 Joanna Lindenbaum
So I can’t even say if I like the work or I don’t like it, if it’s quality, if I like him, anything like that.
00:08:01 Joanna Lindenbaum
But my point is it’s that experience of really being seen for your talent.
00:08:08 Joanna Lindenbaum
and your wisdom and your skill and your heart that are such deep longings of mine.
00:08:18 Joanna Lindenbaum
And
00:08:20 Joanna Lindenbaum
My guess is that if you’re listening to this podcast today, it might be a longing of yours as well.
00:08:28 Joanna Lindenbaum
Maybe it shows up professionally for you.
00:08:30 Joanna Lindenbaum
For example, you get hurt or insulted or even ashamed when you don’t get glowing testimonials or appreciation from clients.
00:08:40 Joanna Lindenbaum
Or you somehow start to feel less than when you see another practitioner getting tons of shout outs on social media.
00:08:48 Joanna Lindenbaum
Or maybe it shows up for you personally.
00:08:51 Joanna Lindenbaum
You desire more sacred recognition from your family or from your friends.
00:08:57 Joanna Lindenbaum
This one sometimes shows up for me too, especially with John.
00:09:02 Joanna Lindenbaum
Like last week I wrote a post on Facebook
00:09:07 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I thought it was really good writing.
00:09:10 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I asked John to read it.
00:09:13 Joanna Lindenbaum
And he didn’t say anything.
00:09:15 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I said to him, hey, did you read it?
00:09:18 Joanna Lindenbaum
And he’s like, yeah, I read it.
00:09:19 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I’m like, well, tell me it was good writing, please.
00:09:24 Joanna Lindenbaum
So anyway, this is what we’re going to really explore today, including some questions.
00:09:32 Joanna Lindenbaum
What does sacred recognition mean when it comes to being a coach or a practitioner?
00:09:38 Joanna Lindenbaum
Is it okay to want or need sacred recognition?
00:09:43 Joanna Lindenbaum
Or does it mean that we’re simply not confident enough in ourselves or too reliant on external validation?
00:09:52 Joanna Lindenbaum
How much desire for sacred recognition is okay, if at all?
00:09:57 Joanna Lindenbaum
And when does it cross a line into something kind of misaligned?
00:10:03 Joanna Lindenbaum
How can we as transformational practitioners and as humans feel validated in ourselves and our work in ways that are helpful for us?
00:10:16 Joanna Lindenbaum
So let’s get into all of it.
00:10:18 Joanna Lindenbaum
And first I want to say this.
00:10:22 Joanna Lindenbaum
If you are a coach or a practitioner and everything that I’ve been sharing so far in this episode is resonating, if you want sacred recognition from your clients, if clients who really show their appreciation to you for how much you’ve helped them for the impact you’ve had on their life,
00:10:49 Joanna Lindenbaum
helps you feel more validated, helps you more deeply own your significance in the world and your gifts and your talents.
00:10:59 Joanna Lindenbaum
If it kind of gets you motivated, I want you to know.
00:11:04 Joanna Lindenbaum
you are not alone.
00:11:05 Joanna Lindenbaum
I can’t think of a single person who has been a private client of mine, who I know that has participated in sacred depths or my advanced depth training or any of my other trainings, and there have been thousands through the years.
00:11:22 Joanna Lindenbaum
I can’t think of a single person who hasn’t desired sacred recognition.
00:11:27 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I’m making a point of normalizing this
00:11:31 Joanna Lindenbaum
Because I know that so often, we can feel that if we want recognition or external validation, that it’s shallow or needy.
00:11:43 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I know that many practitioners maybe secretly feel ashamed of how much they want sacred recognition or ashamed when they don’t get it and worry what that means about them or their work.
00:12:00 Joanna Lindenbaum
Because sometimes the absence of that recognition doesn’t just feel disappointing.
00:12:07 Joanna Lindenbaum
It can feel like evidence.
00:12:09 Joanna Lindenbaum
Evidence that maybe you’ve plateaued, evidence that maybe your clients are getting some results, but not the deepest results that you know are possible, that you long to create.
00:12:22 Joanna Lindenbaum
It can feel like evidence that maybe you’re good enough, but not extraordinary.
00:12:28 Joanna Lindenbaum
And when that story starts running, it doesn’t just live in your confidence.
00:12:35 Joanna Lindenbaum
It also starts to touch how boldly you market, how much you charge, whether you put yourself out there or not.
00:12:46 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, sometimes the absence of recognition really is pointing at something real.
00:12:57 Joanna Lindenbaum
Sometimes it is time to deepen our transformational skills, to get better at holding space for clients and co-creating better results with clients.
00:13:08 Joanna Lindenbaum
And it’s important to pay attention to that.
00:13:12 Joanna Lindenbaum
And sometimes
00:13:15 Joanna Lindenbaum
the absence of sacred recognition from our clients is for other reasons.
00:13:19 Joanna Lindenbaum
So years ago, I had a client who was a brilliant group facilitator.
00:13:26 Joanna Lindenbaum
And she once led a very powerful week-long women’s retreat.
00:13:33 Joanna Lindenbaum
But at the end of the retreat, the women, even though they were glowing from all that had transpired, they were naming their wins and their shifts.
00:13:43 Joanna Lindenbaum
None of them really said a heartfelt thank you to my client or recognized her for all she brought to make the retreat so magical.
00:13:54 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I had a session with this client a few days later and she was definitely not happy about this.
00:14:03 Joanna Lindenbaum
Also, at the same time, she felt ashamed of herself for even wanting the recognition.
00:14:13 Joanna Lindenbaum
It was all really nagging at her.
00:14:17 Joanna Lindenbaum
And we were able to celebrate together how incredible the retreat was, all that she brought to it.
00:14:25 Joanna Lindenbaum
She really was able to own her amazingness in it.
00:14:30 Joanna Lindenbaum
But a piece was missing from her fully owning all of it because she hadn’t gotten that sacred recognition from the women in the room.
00:14:42 Joanna Lindenbaum
And it was making her slightly question herself.
00:14:46 Joanna Lindenbaum
And also she was kind of angry too.
00:14:49 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now I share that because I want you to know the absence of sacred recognition isn’t always a signal that something’s wrong with your skill or your work.
00:15:02 Joanna Lindenbaum
Sometimes it is for sure.
00:15:05 Joanna Lindenbaum
But sometimes it’s just the room or the timing or your client’s own capacity to give in that moment.
00:15:15 Joanna Lindenbaum
So again, I want to normalize the desire for sacred recognition.
00:15:21 Joanna Lindenbaum
So many practitioners desire it.
00:15:25 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I want to say this, there are a lot of people in the transformational industry that are going to tell you that you shouldn’t need any external validation, that the only validation you should ever need should come from you, from yourself, your own inner validation, done.
00:15:46 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard this belief.
00:15:51 Joanna Lindenbaum
from others.
00:15:52 Joanna Lindenbaum
They read it somewhere, they heard it somewhere, and they were feeling bad about themselves because they were like, why do I want recognition?
00:15:59 Joanna Lindenbaum
I should really only need my own validation.
00:16:03 Joanna Lindenbaum
I’ll tell you, I’ve always lovingly pushed back on that belief because in the decades that I’ve been working with humans, I’ve really seen otherwise.
00:16:18 Joanna Lindenbaum
And as it turns out,
00:16:20 Joanna Lindenbaum
Research backs this.
00:16:23 Joanna Lindenbaum
So athletes often perform better when their fans cheer for them.
00:16:31 Joanna Lindenbaum
Babies try to take more wobbles as their parents or guardians applaud their first steps.
00:16:39 Joanna Lindenbaum
Students excel when their teachers and their instructors and their institutions celebrate their talents.
00:16:48 Joanna Lindenbaum
Recognition
00:16:49 Joanna Lindenbaum
is in relationship with our brain’s reward system.
00:16:55 Joanna Lindenbaum
It triggers the release of dopamine, and that’s a hormone that’s responsible for pleasure and motivation.
00:17:02 Joanna Lindenbaum
And when people are acknowledged for their contributions, they feel happy with themselves and they’re encouraged to repeat or even improve upon their accomplishments.
00:17:16 Joanna Lindenbaum
And without going on too much of A tangent, I’ll also just add to this research that I don’t believe that humans were ever meant to survive, thrive or grow in isolation.
00:17:34 Joanna Lindenbaum
In our modern society, we’ve become so individualized and alone in some ways, but
00:17:41 Joanna Lindenbaum
We were actually always meant to be in community.
00:17:46 Joanna Lindenbaum
Surviving, thriving, growing was always supposed to be in community and through community.
00:17:54 Joanna Lindenbaum
We need other people in so many different ways, truly.
00:17:59 Joanna Lindenbaum
No matter what our new technology society tells us, we need other human beings.
00:18:09 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I believe one of the ways that we need others is through having them reflect back to us our goodness, our brilliance, our sacredness.
00:18:26 Joanna Lindenbaum
So in my book, wanting and receiving sacred recognition isn’t a bad thing at all.
00:18:34 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I don’t think we have to feel ashamed about it
00:18:39 Joanna Lindenbaum
in any way whatsoever.
00:18:44 Joanna Lindenbaum
Even as practitioners who work with clients, I really believe that it’s more than okay for us to want recognition.
00:18:55 Joanna Lindenbaum
Not to mention from a practical business point of view, testimonials and referrals, which are a form of sacred recognition,
00:19:06 Joanna Lindenbaum
are needed for a thriving business.
00:19:10 Joanna Lindenbaum
It is so much easier to market, to sell, to bring people in when we have that public recognition, the testimonials, the referrals, the shout outs on social media.
00:19:24 Joanna Lindenbaum
So it’s more than okay to want recognition
00:19:28 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I also know that for so many practitioners, when you consistently don’t get glowing testimonials or referrals from clients, clients that you’ve given so much of yourself to, not only does it impact marketing, but it also just doesn’t feel very good.
00:19:47 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, all of that being said, we do want to watch for how
00:19:57 Joanna Lindenbaum
we want sacred recognition, or I should say how we are in relationship with sacred recognition, what’s motivating it, how we feel when we get it or we don’t get it.
00:20:10 Joanna Lindenbaum
Especially as practitioners, this is really important to pay attention to.
00:20:15 Joanna Lindenbaum
So let me unpack this a little bit.
00:20:20 Joanna Lindenbaum
First of all, inside of our client work or our group work,
00:20:25 Joanna Lindenbaum
We want to make sure that our motivation isn’t for recognition.
00:20:31 Joanna Lindenbaum
I’m going to say that again.
00:20:34 Joanna Lindenbaum
Even though we should want recognition inside of our client work, we want to make sure that the motivation is not to get recognized.
00:20:45 Joanna Lindenbaum
Our main motivation should always, always be in service of our clients.
00:20:52 Joanna Lindenbaum
to support them to reach their goals, to help them transform.
00:20:58 Joanna Lindenbaum
All of it is for their sake, first and foremost.
00:21:05 Joanna Lindenbaum
I know this is obvious, but sometimes when we have a misaligned relationship with sacred recognition,
00:21:12 Joanna Lindenbaum
it can end up being the main driver inside of our client or group work.
00:21:17 Joanna Lindenbaum
And then we might find that we’ve let go a little bit of holding our client’s growth and transformation as an act of service.
00:21:28 Joanna Lindenbaum
And instead, we’re working towards our client’s growth as a way to serve our own need for validation, to prove ourselves and our worth.
00:21:40 Joanna Lindenbaum
So when recognition becomes our main motivation, I can pinky promise you, it automatically decreases our effectiveness as practitioners.
00:21:55 Joanna Lindenbaum
It separates us from our wisdom and our skills so that we can really support our clients.
00:22:02 Joanna Lindenbaum
And also when it’s our main motivation in our client work, then I don’t think the recognition is any longer sacred.
00:22:10 Joanna Lindenbaum
Because if our main priority.
00:22:12 Joanna Lindenbaum
in our client sessions and groups is getting recognition.
00:22:18 Joanna Lindenbaum
And by the way, it’s usually unintentional, right?
00:22:21 Joanna Lindenbaum
We may not even realize that that’s the motivation at first.
00:22:25 Joanna Lindenbaum
Then not only are we not centering our clients, but we’re also then not able to hear them as well or as deeply as we otherwise might.
00:22:38 Joanna Lindenbaum
We’re not necessarily able to be as bold
00:22:41 Joanna Lindenbaum
in the ways that would be appropriate for that client.
00:22:44 Joanna Lindenbaum
Or maybe we’re not as trauma informed because we’re trying to rush to get to the glory, or we may not be as willing to take the time to get the root, etc., etc.
00:22:55 Joanna Lindenbaum
Instead, we’re just looking to impress so that we can feel impressive.
00:23:03 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, if, as I’m saying this,
00:23:07 Joanna Lindenbaum
you are noticing that you kind of fall into this sometimes.
00:23:13 Joanna Lindenbaum
First, please, please have a ton of self-love and self-compassion.
00:23:20 Joanna Lindenbaum
I’m naming it because it’s more common than you might think and it can be oh so human.
00:23:26 Joanna Lindenbaum
It doesn’t mean that you’re not a fantastic practitioner or that you don’t have the capacity to support your clients in extraordinary ways.
00:23:37 Joanna Lindenbaum
It just means that there’s some inner work for you to do on this topic so that you can come into your client sessions with what we call in sacred depths, aligned energetics.
00:23:53 Joanna Lindenbaum
So if this is you, you’re likely going to want to do some work on wounding around not being fully seen
00:24:03 Joanna Lindenbaum
or recognized in one way or another at some point in your life prior to your business.
00:24:11 Joanna Lindenbaum
Because sometimes what can happen is if we don’t get the recognition that we deserve or need when we’re younger, for example, if a parent only sees our flaws but not our gifts, or if we were never appreciated for who we really are,
00:24:32 Joanna Lindenbaum
versus being appreciated for our accomplishments or what was acceptable to the family.
00:24:38 Joanna Lindenbaum
Then we may be living our lives in our adult bodies, still looking for the recognition that our inner child so desperately needs.
00:24:53 Joanna Lindenbaum
I’m going to say that one more time because it’s so important.
00:24:57 Joanna Lindenbaum
We may be living our adult lives
00:25:01 Joanna Lindenbaum
in our adult bodies, still looking for the recognition that our inner child so desperately needs.
00:25:13 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I have so much compassion for that inner child, so much compassion, and we want to work with it.
00:25:22 Joanna Lindenbaum
But it is also just so important to say that we don’t want
00:25:29 Joanna Lindenbaum
our wounded inner child running the show when it comes to sacred recognition.
00:25:36 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, another way that this might express itself is through what I call the well that can never be filled.
00:25:50 Joanna Lindenbaum
This is when you actually get sacred recognition, maybe even a lot of it,
00:25:56 Joanna Lindenbaum
but you can’t take it in fully or deeply enough for it to make impact on you more than a few moments or minutes or maybe hours.
00:26:08 Joanna Lindenbaum
And then it’s just like you need more and more and more.
00:26:13 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I will admit to you that this was my ongoing experience for a very long time.
00:26:23 Joanna Lindenbaum
It didn’t matter how much genuine and heartfelt appreciation I’d get from my clients.
00:26:29 Joanna Lindenbaum
It didn’t matter the incredible things that they’d say about me.
00:26:33 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I did receive a lot of appreciation.
00:26:35 Joanna Lindenbaum
There was no lack of it whatsoever.
00:26:38 Joanna Lindenbaum
But at the end of the day, in a lot of ways, it didn’t really matter because it would feel good to me only momentarily.
00:26:52 Joanna Lindenbaum
And then sooner or later, I’d start longing for new recognition.
00:26:59 Joanna Lindenbaum
It’s like the recognition went right through me and then out.
00:27:05 Joanna Lindenbaum
Like the image I have in my mind as I say that is, you know when a plant is in really dry dirt and you water it and the water just goes straight through the dirt that it can’t even absorb it.
00:27:22 Joanna Lindenbaum
that’s how it would feel to me.
00:27:25 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I can tell you that all of this was absolutely because of earlier experiences in my life where I just simply wasn’t seen or appreciated for my gifts, for my sacredness, for who I really am.
00:27:46 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I’ll tell you also, every now and again,
00:27:50 Joanna Lindenbaum
I still experience the well that can’t be filled.
00:27:55 Joanna Lindenbaum
So remember in that astrology session, the astrologer told me that sacred recognition would be an ongoing theme in my life?
00:28:03 Joanna Lindenbaum
Well, it sure is.
00:28:06 Joanna Lindenbaum
Through all of the inner work I’ve done and also through honing my craft, I have definitely come such a long way with all of this.
00:28:17 Joanna Lindenbaum
In a lot of ways, I would say that I’m in right relationship with recognition, but the truth is that sometimes I slip and then it feels like the well that can never be filled.
00:28:32 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, another way that you might not be in right relationship with recognition is
00:28:42 Joanna Lindenbaum
if you notice that you’ve become too focused on vanity numbers.
00:28:48 Joanna Lindenbaum
How many likes on a social media post?
00:28:51 Joanna Lindenbaum
How many comments?
00:28:52 Joanna Lindenbaum
How many people are in your newsletter community?
00:28:55 Joanna Lindenbaum
Numbers for sure play an important role inside of your business.
00:29:02 Joanna Lindenbaum
They can tell you which marketing is landing, what marketing isn’t landing, what is effective, what’s not so effective.
00:29:10 Joanna Lindenbaum
We absolutely wanna look at numbers and use those numbers for data that can help us make good decisions in our business.
00:29:20 Joanna Lindenbaum
But what we don’t want to do with numbers is to have them fulfill any needs for sacred recognition.
00:29:33 Joanna Lindenbaum
Because first of all, the amount of likes on a post most of the time isn’t exactly sacred recognition.
00:29:42 Joanna Lindenbaum
It’s more like surface recognition.
00:29:45 Joanna Lindenbaum
And also,
00:29:48 Joanna Lindenbaum
then you can end up becoming obsessed with checking social media and checking how many likes and just putting way too much time and attention on something like social media.
00:29:59 Joanna Lindenbaum
You can end up getting upset or even going into despair if the numbers aren’t what you want them to be.
00:30:06 Joanna Lindenbaum
You could end up making up stories about yourself and your worth just because of an algorithm.
00:30:12 Joanna Lindenbaum
When I think, and I have fallen into this a few times, when I think that I have
00:30:19 Joanna Lindenbaum
deducted a story about my future success based on an algorithm, right?
00:30:25 Joanna Lindenbaum
We don’t want to be doing that.
00:30:28 Joanna Lindenbaum
So again, I keep on saying it, but I’m going to say it again.
00:30:31 Joanna Lindenbaum
There is nothing, wrong with the desire for sacred recognition so long as it’s not coming from
00:30:43 Joanna Lindenbaum
an unchecked, wounded part of ourselves that has never felt worthy and is desperately longing for it.
00:30:50 Joanna Lindenbaum
The most aligned kind of relationship with sacred recognition is when the desire for it comes from the parts of ourselves that already know how worthy we are and how valuable we are and how wonderful we are and brilliant we are.
00:31:12 Joanna Lindenbaum
And then the reflection from the outside mirrors what we already know on the inside and strengthens it.
00:31:25 Joanna Lindenbaum
So all of this is to say that the best way to satisfy the desire for self recognition is twofold.
00:31:39 Joanna Lindenbaum
The first layer
00:31:42 Joanna Lindenbaum
is about your energetics, your own inner work.
00:31:49 Joanna Lindenbaum
For some of us, this means real inner work, the kind we go deep on inside of sacred depths and advanced depth, on befriending old fears around not being worthy of recognition.
00:32:05 Joanna Lindenbaum
working with old moments, like the exact moment in history where your self-worth got buried or where you decided that even wanting recognition was shameful.
00:32:17 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, I’m not going to unpack all of that here.
00:32:20 Joanna Lindenbaum
That’s real work.
00:32:21 Joanna Lindenbaum
It takes real time.
00:32:23 Joanna Lindenbaum
But I want you to know this.
00:32:26 Joanna Lindenbaum
There are actual paths to transforming those old wounds around self-worth.
00:32:35 Joanna Lindenbaum
You want to be doing your own self-value and self-worth and self-recognition and self-celebration work.
00:32:46 Joanna Lindenbaum
You want to be continuously building that muscle so that you don’t rely only on outside recognition.
00:32:56 Joanna Lindenbaum
So that no matter what, even if you end up in a situation like that client I told you about where she was fantastic at her retreat, but she just didn’t get the recognition, you want to still be able to recognize yourself.
00:33:12 Joanna Lindenbaum
This is so important.
00:33:15 Joanna Lindenbaum
It’s one of the reasons why we do so much ongoing inner work inside of my programming.
00:33:23 Joanna Lindenbaum
Also, you can’t be a masterful practitioner without a certain level of self recognition.
00:33:32 Joanna Lindenbaum
I’m going to say that again.
00:33:34 Joanna Lindenbaum
You actually can’t be a masterful practitioner without a certain level of self recognition.
00:33:43 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, I’m not talking about having a big ego or coming into sessions thinking that you’re God’s gift or anything like that.
00:33:51 Joanna Lindenbaum
That’s going to stand in your way of being masterful.
00:33:54 Joanna Lindenbaum
But what I’m talking about is coming into sessions with clients, knowing inherently that you are valuable and you are worthy, both as a practitioner and as a human.
00:34:11 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, to be able to do this,
00:34:14 Joanna Lindenbaum
It comes from a combination of all the inner work we were talking about.
00:34:19 Joanna Lindenbaum
And then of course, that ongoing deepening of your transformational skills, because the better and better that you get at co-creating transformation with clients, the more self-worth you are going to feel.
00:34:36 Joanna Lindenbaum
So all of this is to say that the best way to satisfy the desire for sacred recognition is twofold.
00:34:47 Joanna Lindenbaum
The first layer is about your energetics, your inner work.
00:34:54 Joanna Lindenbaum
This means real inner work, the kind that we go deep on inside of sacred depths and advanced depth.
00:35:00 Joanna Lindenbaum
Maybe for you it’s befriending old fears around not being worthy of recognition.
00:35:08 Joanna Lindenbaum
Maybe for you it’s doing memory reconsolidation and working with old moments where your own self-worth got buried.
00:35:17 Joanna Lindenbaum
Or maybe for you, it’s about working with the shadow of recognition and where you decided that even wanting it was shameful.
00:35:27 Joanna Lindenbaum
I’m not going to unpack all of that here.
00:35:29 Joanna Lindenbaum
That takes real time.
00:35:30 Joanna Lindenbaum
But I do want to invite you to be thinking about doing your own inner work around your self-value, around recognition, and around celebrating yourself.
00:35:45 Joanna Lindenbaum
You want to be continuously building those muscles so that you don’t rely only on outside recognition for self-worth.
00:35:57 Joanna Lindenbaum
So that no matter what, even if you end up in a situation like that client I told you about where she was fantastic at her retreat but didn’t get the recognition, you can still recognize yourself.
00:36:11 Joanna Lindenbaum
You can still recognize how amazing you are.
00:36:14 Joanna Lindenbaum
This is so important.
00:36:16 Joanna Lindenbaum
It has to come from you first.
00:36:19 Joanna Lindenbaum
Not to mention, you can’t really be a masterful practitioner without a certain level of self-recognition.
00:36:28 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, I’m not talking about having a big ego or coming into a session thinking that you’re God’s gift or anything like that.
00:36:36 Joanna Lindenbaum
will stand in your way of being masterful for sure.
00:36:39 Joanna Lindenbaum
But what I am talking about is coming into sessions
00:36:45 Joanna Lindenbaum
where inherently how valuable you are, how worthy you are, both as a practitioner and as a human.
00:36:56 Joanna Lindenbaum
This is so vital.
00:36:58 Joanna Lindenbaum
So the first layer for satisfying the need for self-recognition is, as I said, about you, your inner work.
00:37:11 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now here’s the second layer.
00:37:13 Joanna Lindenbaum
And this one is about other people.
00:37:17 Joanna Lindenbaum
When someone gives you recognition, the recognition becomes sacred when you intentionally take it in.
00:37:33 Joanna Lindenbaum
In other words, what I’m saying is you want to practice
00:37:38 Joanna Lindenbaum
taking in recognition, really feeling it inside your body, absorbing it, processing it.
00:37:51 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, this, of course, gets easier and easier to do the more that you do your own inner recognition work, as we spoke about earlier.
00:38:00 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I’ll share with you in my early years as a coach and practitioner,
00:38:09 Joanna Lindenbaum
I never really read a single testimonial that I got.
00:38:16 Joanna Lindenbaum
I’d glance at them, but my body couldn’t tolerate to actually read the words.
00:38:25 Joanna Lindenbaum
It felt like repulsive in a terrifying way to actually read the words of the testimonials.
00:38:34 Joanna Lindenbaum
It’s like my body and my nervous system
00:38:37 Joanna Lindenbaum
just rejected the whole entire thing because I knew I wouldn’t believe the words.
00:38:43 Joanna Lindenbaum
I was worried the words would make me feel like a fraud, all of it.
00:38:47 Joanna Lindenbaum
And so first I had to do my inner work, right?
00:38:50 Joanna Lindenbaum
I worked on my own self-recognition, owning my talents, my gifts, my brilliance, all the hard work I was putting in, owning that I was really phenomenal at what I do.
00:39:02 Joanna Lindenbaum
The more I did that,
00:39:04 Joanna Lindenbaum
the easier it became to read the testimonials.
00:39:09 Joanna Lindenbaum
And now, whether it’s a testimonial a client has written for a sales page of mine or a note that I get from a client telling me what a difference our work has made, and I feel lucky that I get multiple notes a week like this, I make a point to read every
00:39:33 Joanna Lindenbaum
word slowly to really take in the recognition so that my body can have it, so that I can own it, so that I can integrate it.
00:39:49 Joanna Lindenbaum
That’s when the recognition becomes even more sacred.
00:39:55 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, while we’re on the topic of sacred recognition,
00:40:01 Joanna Lindenbaum
I do also want to mention that our clients need sacred recognition as well.
00:40:08 Joanna Lindenbaum
They need recognition in order to have more courage.
00:40:13 Joanna Lindenbaum
They need recognition in order to own their wisdom.
00:40:19 Joanna Lindenbaum
They need to be seen for their kindness.
00:40:24 Joanna Lindenbaum
They need to be seen for their talents and strengths.
00:40:30 Joanna Lindenbaum
and so much more.
00:40:32 Joanna Lindenbaum
Remember, all humans want to be seen and heard and cherished, and that desire is very normal and natural.
00:40:45 Joanna Lindenbaum
Sacred recognition, as we’ve been talking about, can increase self-love and self-acceptance and inspiration and motivation, and so I very much see
00:40:58 Joanna Lindenbaum
recognition, sacred recognition, as one of my many responsibilities as a coach and a practitioner.
00:41:08 Joanna Lindenbaum
I make it a point in my work to create a space for sacred recognition for my clients and so that they can build that recognition inside of themselves.
00:41:24 Joanna Lindenbaum
Now, there’s a whole set of skills
00:41:28 Joanna Lindenbaum
to be able to do this with clients in effective ways so that our clients can actually take it in and absorb it and build the recognition muscle for themselves.
00:41:39 Joanna Lindenbaum
And each client needs this in a little bit of a different way.
00:41:45 Joanna Lindenbaum
Again, because of prior wounding, because of trust issues, because of their ability to tolerate recognition, even if they deeply desire it.
00:41:53 Joanna Lindenbaum
For example, think about a client who deflects and minimizes when you recognize them.
00:42:01 Joanna Lindenbaum
They may say things like, oh, it wasn’t such a big deal.
00:42:04 Joanna Lindenbaum
Anyone could have done that.
00:42:06 Joanna Lindenbaum
I probably should have done it years ago.
00:42:08 Joanna Lindenbaum
You want to handle
00:42:10 Joanna Lindenbaum
sacred recognition with that client differently than maybe with some other clients.
00:42:17 Joanna Lindenbaum
So I want you to be thinking about that as well.
00:42:20 Joanna Lindenbaum
Okay, so as we wrap again, please remember this.
00:42:27 Joanna Lindenbaum
It is not needy or greedy to need or want sacred recognition.
00:42:36 Joanna Lindenbaum
It is very, very human.
00:42:39 Joanna Lindenbaum
And my wish for you is that you get many, many mirrors of your fantastic work and the care and the love and the talent that you bring to each of your clients.
00:42:56 Joanna Lindenbaum
And of course, if you want to go deeper with any of this, with your own inner work around self-worth and recognition,
00:43:06 Joanna Lindenbaum
with deepening your transformational skills so that you can co-create better results with clients, or with the business mechanics of how to effectively use testimonials in your marketing and how to get effective testimonials, because there’s an art to that.
00:43:25 Joanna Lindenbaum
Well, you can do all of this and more inside of Sacred Depths.
00:43:29 Joanna Lindenbaum
So if you’ve been interested in Sacred Depths or Advanced Depth,
00:43:33 Joanna Lindenbaum
Get in touch about it.
00:43:35 Joanna Lindenbaum
We would love to have a conversation with you and see if it’s right for you.
00:43:39 Joanna Lindenbaum
And if you love this episode, please give it a five star review and also follow this podcast on Spotify or Apple or wherever you listen so that you never miss an episode.
00:43:51 Joanna Lindenbaum
I’ll see you next time.
