Transcript
00:00:05 Joanna Lindenbaum
I’m Joanna Lindenbaum, a coach, ritualist, and all-around transformation nerd who is obsessed with helping clients go deep to create more change and results with their clients.
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I created the Coaching Revolution podcast to share with you coaching skills, tips, and advice, as well as a deeper understanding of human behavior and of yourself.
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so that you can do even better client work and group work, grow your business organically, and know that you’re making a real difference in the world.
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This is about creating a revolution in the transformational industry so that more practitioners feel amazing about what they do and so that more of our clients experience life-changing shifts.
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Let’s get started.
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Welcome back to the podcast and thank you so much for being here.
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I don’t take it for granted at all that your time is valuable and I’m honored that you’re spending some of it with me today.
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So let’s dive right in.
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And I want to ask you something.
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If someone asked you right now on the spot, what are your coaching philosophies, what would you say?
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not talking about your niche or your modality or your certifications, talking about your coaching philosophies, the things that you actually believe about change, about people, about how practitioners and clients should interact or approach each other in order to co-create change.
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I’m talking
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about what makes transformation real versus what just makes it sound good on the surface or sound appealing in marketing.
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If you paused for a second on this question, please know you’re not alone.
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Most practitioners have never been asked to articulate this.
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What is your coaching philosophy?
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And here’s the thing.
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Your philosophies, they’re not just nice to have, something that sounds good to put on your about page and forget about.
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They’re actually at the heart of everything.
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They’re at the heart of your client work, your group work, your marketing, your sales.
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Your coaching philosophies shape
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how you show up in a session when a client either goes quiet or gets confused or stalled or triggered.
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Your coaching philosophies shape what you say yes to and what you push back on.
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Your coaching philosophies shape your marketing because whatever you actually believe about change and how human beings act
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that leaks into your messaging.
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Your coaching philosophies shape how you lead a group, especially in the moments when things get uncomfortable or unpredictable.
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And when I train practitioners inside of Sacred Depths Mastery, we spend real time on this over the months inside of the program.
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Because the practitioners who get the deepest, most consistent results are the ones who know exactly what they believe about change and human beings.
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And they can operate from those beliefs even when a session gets hard.
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So today, I want to start walking you through some of my own coaching philosophies.
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I’ve got quite a few.
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I’ve developed a lot over the years.
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And I’m going to be sharing four of them with you over this episode and the next episode.
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So 2 today and two next time.
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And I want to say this up front.
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Some of the philosophies that I share, and if you’ve been listening to this podcast, you already know this to be true about me and what I teach.
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Some of these might be a little contrary to what you hear in most of the coaching industry, the transformational industry, culture at large.
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And please know that I’m not sharing any of these from a pedestal.
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I’m not saying there’s only one way to coach or this needs to be your truth.
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I’m sharing what I’ve found to be true over 25 years of doing this work and training others to do it.
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And my intention for you is for you to hear it and then help it decide what your truth is.
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You get to decide.
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Okay, so let’s get into it and let’s talk about the first coaching philosophy that I want to explore with you today.
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Here it is.
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There is no magic pill.
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There is no magic pill.
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Real transformation and results take time, consistency, and showing up.
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Okay, so let’s unpack this one a little bit.
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Think about any client of yours right now if you’re working with clients.
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Maybe one who’s doing well or maybe one who you’re a little bit worried about.
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And I want you to ask yourself honestly, is there somewhere inside of you a small voice that wants it to go faster?
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that wants their progress to go faster, that maybe wants the breakthrough to totally stick the first time it comes up?
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Or is there a part of you that gets a little anxious when week three of coaching looks a lot like week one of coaching, at least from the outside?
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And if
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You answered yes to any of those.
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Here’s what I want you to know.
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It’s not a flaw in you to want to speed things up, to expect that results should happen overnight or right away.
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The voice that tells you this, it’s everywhere in
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the transformational and coaching industry right now.
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We’re surrounded by messaging and marketing that says transformation should be fast and dramatic and permanent the moment that it happens.
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It’s one powerful session, right?
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Or one breakthrough and then suddenly a whole new life.
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Or you can make $1,000,000 in just a few months, quick, quick, right?
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Just buy my thing and you can lose 30 pounds overnight or find the love of your life by yesterday, right?
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And then there’s more that’s happening in the industry with this.
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There’s also this subtle messaging that if you don’t get results right away, if
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magic doesn’t happen overnight, it’s definitely your fault.
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You’ve done something wrong.
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You haven’t maybe been diligent enough or accountable enough.
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Or, and this one gets my goat, if a client doesn’t get results right away, it means that they’re not coachable.
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If they don’t get results, if there’s resistance, et cetera.
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It’s really pervasive and it’s really everywhere.
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And I’ll tell you, sometimes even for me, even though I teach about this, I can catch myself in it.
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Not with my clients.
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I am really consistent with approaching with the philosophy of things take time, real change and transformation takes time.
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But with myself,
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I can fall into this trap, right?
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If I start taking action and I don’t see the results right away, it’s like, oh, my gosh, something is wrong.
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Or if I start working on a new fear and it’s just not moving fast enough, it’s like, oh, my gosh, I’m doing something wrong.
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But that’s not true.
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Here is what is actually true.
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Real lasting change and results are rarely linear and almost never instant or within a couple weeks.
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Yeah, you can make great progress.
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You can get a quick win in a couple of weeks.
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But the bigger results, the real transformation, that takes time.
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It’s usually, sometimes there’s a big dramatic thing that happens and lots of moving forward, but most of the time it’s baby steps and more baby steps and showing up again and again.
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It’s inner work paired with outer action over and over through resistance, through fear, through the moments where a client starts to sabotage without even realizing it.
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And side note, even when the big, quick, dramatic change happens, because it can, I’m going to say
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Eight times out of 10 or 9 times out of 10, there were tons of baby steps behind that, either above the surface or under the surface that kind of caused that domino to fall.
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So people hire you for the inner or outer change that they’re looking for because they haven’t been able to create that change.
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on their own.
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Much of the time, they haven’t been able to do it on their own because their neural pathways and their nervous system and capacity for years, often decade, has been trained otherwise.
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So I’m bringing this up to say,
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It takes time to restructure and change things that have been baked in for years, if not decades.
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Now, here’s the part that is even more important on this that I really want you to hear.
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The transformation isn’t just about your client having the willingness
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to be patient and to keep on showing up, even when change seems slow or non-existent.
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It is also about you, the practitioner, knowing how to hold your clients through this and having what I call the energetics to hold your clients through the slow change.
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So this is a piece that often gets left out of so much coach or practitioner training.
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Yes, we get taught frameworks and questions and modalities, but we don’t always get taught how to actually hold a client steady through the messy middle or through the plateau or through sometimes the slowness of getting started
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or through the moment when fear shows up and tries to convince your client or you that nothing is working.
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When you don’t have those skills, when you don’t have tools in your toolbox for holding a new project differently than a tried and true project, or for what happens when resistance shows up or sabotage shows up or a client starts to pull away,
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it can be really tempting to believe that something is wrong, that it’s not happening fast enough because you did something wrong, that your client isn’t ready, that results aren’t going to happen.
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And I’ve had more than one practitioner start Sacred Depths with almost the same exact worry.
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And the worry is
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My clients are getting restless.
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We’re a month into our coaching, and they’re frustrated that they haven’t hit their goals yet.
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And when I look deeper with these practitioners together, every single time we see that this wasn’t just about the client, it was also about the practitioner.
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The practitioners themselves were restless.
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The practitioners themselves were frustrated or impatient.
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They thought something was going wrong because there wasn’t overnight change.
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And here’s the thing.
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If you’ve been in any one of my programs, you know I say this over and over because it’s so important.
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Energy follows energy.
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If you, as the practitioner, are anxious that things aren’t moving fast enough, your client is going to feel that.
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Even if you never said a word about it, you need to believe that sustainable, slower growth is OK.
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You need to believe that growth is cyclical, not linear.
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If not,
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Your expectations for your work and for your clients are going to be unrealistic.
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And then there’s going to be frustration and anxiety and confusion in the container when you don’t perform miracles overnight.
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And this is important.
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almost always another thing when there’s a lot of impatience in a coaching container or frustration that things aren’t going fast enough, there’s almost always another thing going on here.
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In almost every case, the expectation of quick success had already been baked into the coaching container long before the client ever signed up.
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It was sitting right there in the marketing.
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The practitioner was marketing fast results, quick transformation.
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And of course, as we’ve been talking about, this is a promise that isn’t totally honest about how change happens, about what real change actually requires.
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So when I have someone come into sacred depths with these worries and all of this going on, we do the work.
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And I’m talking not just about learning the skills to hold a client through the messy middle or through the plateau or through the slow change.
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I’m talking also about doing the inner work for the practitioner.
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supporting the practitioner to really land in the truth, to really embody and know deeply inside of themselves that they are still excellent.
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They are still skilled.
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They’re still very worthy practitioners, even when transformation moves at a steady, real pace instead of at a dramatic pace.
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And once this shifts internally for practitioners, once you can really believe this is the pace of change, we don’t need to get results overnight.
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That’s just not how it works.
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When you can really believe that, so much changes.
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Your energy in the session changes.
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And again, energy follows energy.
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So if you have patience, your clients are going to have more patience with themselves and with the process.
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If you believe that change is happening even if it looks slow, your clients are going to be more likely to believe that change is happening even if it looks slow.
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When you deeply believe this, the other thing that changes is your marketing.
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you stop promising something that was never true in the 1st place and you do it proudly.
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It’s not like something to feel ashamed about when you say, I’m the person you work with when you want sustainable change and sustainable change takes time.
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And when you start marketing this way,
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Yeah, there are some people who are looking for a quick fix and they’re going to fall away for sure.
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probably not going to become clients.
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But guess what?
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Your ideal clients are going to start paying attention.
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Your ideal prospects are going to start paying attention.
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And they’re going to be much more likely to trust you.
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And the other perk of all of this is that then you start bringing in clients
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who are patient and who are willing to stay the course even when things are hard and it just becomes more pleasant all around.
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When you bring this philosophy from start to finish, when I say start to finish, I mean from your marketing all the way through your coaching, when you bring this philosophy of transformation takes work, results take time,
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What ends up happening is that you have happier, more satisfied, more successful clients.
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And as a long-term result of that, your renewals improve, your amount of referrals improve.
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because your clients are in it with you for the long haul and they feel satisfied as they make the progress at the pace that they’re meant to make it at.
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So this is philosophy #1 for today.
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There’s no magic pill.
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And the real work, the work that actually differentiates a masterful practitioner, it’s not about finding a faster method.
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It’s about building the skill and the steadiness to hold your client through the real, sometimes slow, sometimes non-linear process of change.
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Baby steps are real progress
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And honestly, sometimes baby steps are truer, more authentic, more long-lasting progress than massive leaps forward.
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And when you believe that fully, your clients feel the permission to believe it too.
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Now, if I sound really passionate as I’m talking about all of this, it’s because I really, really am.
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What we’re talking about here is one of the changes that I really want to see happen in the coaching and the transformational industry, that everyone gets much more honest about the actual process of human change
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and results, that we get more honest about it in our client work and in our marketing and in our sales so that there are no false setups that then lead to shame or frustration, not for clients and not for practitioners.
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Okay, so with that, let’s move on to the second coaching philosophy that I want to share today.
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It’s another biggie.
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It’s as follows.
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Your clients don’t need fixing.
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there is nothing missing inside of them.
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So this philosophy is another one that’s really close to my heart and I consider it foundational.
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I want to invite you to notice something the next time you sit down with a client.
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Notice if there’s any part of you, even a very well-meaning part,
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that is subtly relating to your client as someone who needs saving or fixing or who needs you to give them the missing piece and then everything is going to get better.
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It’s an easy trap to fall into, again, because of the industry, because so much of the transformational industry is built on that premise.
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It goes something like this, activate the gap in your marketing and then sell the fix.
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So much marketing these days tips into what I’d call fear marketing.
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Making prospects feel ashamed about where they’re at and as if they do need fixing, fixing by you, right?
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Or that they do have massive missing pieces and you’re the only one that can give it to them.
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Now, it is true, or I do, I should say, I do believe that
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In your marketing, it is important to activate the gap, to speak to the potential problems that your client is currently facing or your prospect is currently facing to the places that they are right now that they don’t want to be, et cetera, et cetera.
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Speaking to the gap in your marketing isn’t the problem, but what you believe about your prospects gaps, about
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who they are and what they’re capable of in relationship to the current struggles that they have, that’s what makes all the difference.
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So for example, if you’re a relationship coach and your prospects or your clients have had a lot of trouble having enough self-confidence to be in a relationship where they feel secure,
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Do you see them as people who’ve got something wrong with them that needs fixing?
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Or that they’ve got something lacking inside of themselves?
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Or do you see them as someone who has what it takes to feel confident and secure inside of relationships, and it’s just that they need some support to find it and activate that confidence inside of themselves?
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Here is what I believe all the way to my core.
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Your clients and your prospects are whole and complete.
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Nothing is missing inside of them.
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Everything they need, their wisdom, their resilience, their own inner knowing, it’s already there.
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It’s already there.
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Now, I want to be really clear about something because I know that this philosophy can get misunderstood.
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What I’m saying, all of this, it doesn’t mean that you, the practitioner, don’t bring anything to the table.
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Of course you do.
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You have wisdom, you have expertise, you have skills to support clients and help them.
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And that counts for everything.
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That matters enormously in the work.
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It is very real.
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It is very needed.
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It is very valuable.
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The problem, though, is that a lot of the time when a practitioner is even just ever so slightly holding the belief that their client needs fixing or has something missing, they’ll end up over consulting or over sharing their expertise in the exact moment when what’s actually needed
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is for them to hold space or for them to support a client to be with a discomfort or to ask a breakthrough question or to lead a somatic process to go deeper.
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The deeper skills, the ones that actually create transformation, are knowing how to use what you know to help your client activate
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what’s already inside of them, not to hand them something that they were missing, instead to help them access what was there all along, underneath the fear, underneath the years of conditioning.
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And here’s the other important piece on this.
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When you relate to a client as broken or incomplete or needing fixing, even subtly, even with the best of intentions, they’re going to feel this in one way or another, even if you don’t say the words.
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Because remember, as we said earlier, energy follows energy.
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And if you even subtly believe that a client needs fixing or has something missing,
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It reinforces the very story that has maybe been keeping your client stuck, the story that there’s something wrong with them, that they need to be rescued or repaired by someone else.
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Now, approaching your client work in this way, yeah, it may stroke your ego momentarily to be needed in this way, right, to feel like, you’re the fixer, you’re the hero.
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But I promise you, it ultimately does not make for a fun coaching experience or a transformational coaching experience or to feel deep satisfaction or on purpose in your work.
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And when you approach your coaching and your clients from this place of a client needs fixing or there’s something missing, it’s actually not
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an ethical or a trauma-informed approach.
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But when you relate to your client as whole, as someone who has everything they need, and you’re simply here to help them find their way to it or their way back to it, that’s when real things can shift for your client.
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That’s when things can shift in the session
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in the energetics of the container.
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That’s when clients can start to trust themselves more.
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That’s when they can start to find answers inside of themselves or resources inside of themselves that they need in order to create what they want to create.
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And all of this connects directly back to what I was sharing a little earlier in the episode.
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Remember I was telling you about those practitioners who were relating to slower progress as a problem?
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Well, underneath that, there was often this same root.
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a belief that if a client isn’t there yet, something is missing, something needs fixing, and that’s why we need to go faster.
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Once those practitioners shifted into truly believing that their clients were whole, that their clients were capable of real change at a real pace, then everything changes, right?
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Because whole and steady
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is very different and creates a very different container than broken needs rescuing.
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We need to go fast here, right?
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And your clients are gonna be able to feel which container they’re in.
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So philosophy number two, there’s nothing to fix.
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Your job is not to hand your clients the missing piece, unless, of course, it’s a piece of expertise or experience that you know that they just simply don’t know.
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We do do consulting sometimes, for sure.
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But overall, your job is not to fix.
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It’s to become so skilled at holding space, at asking breakthrough questions, at working with fear and resistance and sabotage,
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that you help your clients find what’s been there for them all along.
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Okay, so hopefully you’re beginning to see that both of the philosophies that we looked at today, they ask something of you, not just of your clients.
00:31:56 Joanna Lindenbaum
So philosophy one, that real change takes time.
00:32:02 Joanna Lindenbaum
It asks you to build the skill and the steadiness to hold your clients through real and sometimes slow transformation without letting your own anxiety about the pace leak into the container.
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And really the deeper work, as we said, is for you to work on your anxiety and shift the belief from
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Change goes fast to real change takes time.
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And then for philosophy number two that we looked at, there’s nothing to fix, this one asks you to build the discernment, to bring your wisdom and expertise into the room, but without relating to your client as broken or not whole,
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in any way.
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Both of these are skills.
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They are real, teachable, practicable skills.
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They’re not only mindset shifts that you decide to have once and then you’re done and **** and you believe them.
00:33:16 Joanna Lindenbaum
These are beliefs that you rewire and fears that you befriend and pieces that you build capacity for over time.
00:33:30 Joanna Lindenbaum
And when you do build them, you will see that your sessions will change.
00:33:38 Joanna Lindenbaum
Your energy changes.
00:33:40 Joanna Lindenbaum
Your clients will feel steadier, more trusted and more trusting of you and more capable.
00:33:51 Joanna Lindenbaum
And with all of this, very often,
00:33:56 Joanna Lindenbaum
What also eventually comes is clients who renew, clients who refer and sing your praises online, clients who are deeply grateful, not because you gave them the quick fix, but because you gave them or you worked with them together to create for them something that was potent and long lasting and real.
00:34:27 Joanna Lindenbaum
This is some of what we go deep into inside of Sacred Depths.
00:34:31 Joanna Lindenbaum
Yes, we look at all of the step by step techniques and skills, but we also do the deep energetic work for you.
00:34:43 Joanna Lindenbaum
The belief work, the fear work, some of the shadow work.
00:34:48 Joanna Lindenbaum
so that you can hold your clients in the ways that we’re talking about today, even when it’s hard.
00:34:55 Joanna Lindenbaum
So if any of this is resonating with you today, definitely check out Sacred Depths.
00:35:01 Joanna Lindenbaum
You can always find the details in the show notes.
00:35:04 Joanna Lindenbaum
And as you move through your sessions this week, I want to give you a little piece of mini homework.
00:35:12 Joanna Lindenbaum
I want to invite you to simply notice, just notice, and without judgment, by the way.
00:35:18 Joanna Lindenbaum
See where impatience might be showing up for you in your client work or in your own process and your own progress.
00:35:29 Joanna Lindenbaum
And then when you notice impatience, also notice how does this impact you?
00:35:36 Joanna Lindenbaum
How does the impatience impact your mood?
00:35:40 Joanna Lindenbaum
How does it impact how you show up in your client sessions?
00:35:44 Joanna Lindenbaum
And how does it impact your ability to move forward and get things done?
00:35:51 Joanna Lindenbaum
And in those moments when you notice impatience, I want to invite you to gently and lovingly remind yourself, nothing is broken here, not in your clients and not in you.
00:36:15 Joanna Lindenbaum
All right.
00:36:16 Joanna Lindenbaum
In our next episode, I said this was a two-part series.
00:36:20 Joanna Lindenbaum
So in our next episode, we’re going to look at two other philosophies that I really hold close and that are really embedded inside of all of my client work, group work and marketing.
00:36:34 Joanna Lindenbaum
And one of those philosophies might really surprise you.
00:36:38 Joanna Lindenbaum
So I hope you’ll join me next week for that.
00:36:41 Joanna Lindenbaum
As always, thank you for being
00:36:43 Joanna Lindenbaum
being here.
00:36:44 Joanna Lindenbaum
I appreciate you so much.
00:36:46 Joanna Lindenbaum
If you really value this podcast and if you enjoyed this episode, please consider giving us five stars, a great review.
00:36:57 Joanna Lindenbaum
Make sure you sign up for notifications wherever you listen so you never miss an episode.
00:37:03 Joanna Lindenbaum
And I’ll see you soon.
