Transcript
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I’m Joanna Lindenbaum, a coach ritualist and all around transformation nerd who is obsessed with helping clients go deep to create more change and results with their clients. I created the coaching.
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Revolution podcast to share with you coaching skills, tips and advice as well as a deeper understanding of human behavior and.
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Of yourself so that you can do even better client work and group work. Grow your business organically.
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And know that you’re making a real difference in the world. This is about creating a revolution in the transformational industry so that more practitioners feel amazing.
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Ohh.
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About what they do and so that more of our clients experience life changing shifts, let’s get started.
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Welcome back to the Coaching Revolution podcast. I’m your host, Joanna Lindenbaum, and I am so happy to be here with you today. I’m going to be diving into a crucial element of retreat and group work, and that is the power of open process time.
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I’ll share why leaving space for processing can lead to some of the most profound moments in your groups and retreats, and I’m going to also give you tips on how to be able to structure this for yourself and think about it effectively, no matter if your group is large.
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Or small in person or online.
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So when I lead retreats or workshops and really any kind of group, the most impactful moments often don’t occur during the planned curriculum. They happen during the open process times those spaces where I invite my participants to share.
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To reflect, to process what’s stirring inside of the.
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And let me back up on that for a moment and be clear, of course. Of course, a ton of breakthroughs and ahs and learning and inspiration and motivation do happen during planned curriculum time and during the exercises that I take.
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My students, through for each curriculum piece that absolutely goes without saying. But that being said, often times what happens during time for shares and processing.
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After exercises even well after exercises, as you’ll see, this can go even deeper and really just make everything in the curriculum even more powerful for everybody in.
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The group.
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So to illustrate this, let me share a little story about a retreat I led about a year ago that I think really gets to the heart of what I’m talking about.
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Many of you, I think, know that one of my passions in life is training, coaches and therapists on how to use somatic shadow techniques in your client work. I am obsessed with this and have been for 20 years because.
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Shadow work is just so incredibly powerful. Working with my own shadows has been life changing for me.
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Me it has helped me reclaim so many parts of myself that I have really needed and supporting my clients to really face and own and love their own shadows is some of the most satisfying work.
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That I do it’s like.
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A million light bulbs go off for people and you literally see them change and shape shift before your eyes. When they do the work with shadow. I never ever ever get tired of holding space for this and witnessing this.
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Anyway, when I train practitioner.
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Years to work with shadow. We do this at a multi day in person retreat and we do it in person because the work is just so potent and so deep when it comes to shadow. That being in person is really the best way to do it. I also keep the group pretty small.
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Foreshadow 20 people at most in the room because when you work with shadow so much comes up that I like to track the group really closely. I like to know where everyone is at each step of.
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The way and that’s because of course, when I train practitioners on anything shadow included, I lead them first through their own big inner work on the topic, because you can’t really help your clients move through anything.
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That you haven’t moved through on your.
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Own.
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So at any shadow training retreat that I lead, I always dedicate a full 90 minutes on the mornings of Day 2 and day three of the retreat just for processing. Yes, you heard me right. It’s not 10 minutes.
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Not even 30 minutes, but I dedicate a full open 90 minutes each morning. No curriculum.
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Open sharing time.
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You might be wondering why so much time. Well, because the shadow retreat is intense in all of the best ways. It stirs up deep emotions and insight. And while of course we have space for shares, as things come up.
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Through the curriculum space to share insights and breakthroughs.
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And all of that.
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The truth is that so many more insights and breakthroughs and hahas continue to unfold overnight. Some of them even show up in my participants dreams and.
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I love, love, love.
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The open shares that we have in the mornings.
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Because so much comes together during that time.
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So.
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In this particular shadow retreat that I LED about a year ago, I opened up the space just like I always do for spontaneous and transformational moments to happen. And one woman in the group raised her hand, and you could tell.
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When she first started speaking that she was a little bit nervous.
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Not nervous to speak and share in front of the group, but nervous because she was finally, finally coming to a big and deep realization about herself.
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A realization that had been stopping her in her tracks in both her career and her personal life, she shared that through the work we had been doing the previous days on shadow, she could finally see that she had been spending years and years really her.
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Entire lifetime.
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Frame suppressing her anger.
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She was understanding now so clearly that all this time her whole life she had been twisting herself into a pretzel, letting people take advantage of her not saying anything when clients would consistently show up late for sessions, not speaking up when she wasn’t getting her needs.
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At at home and on and on.
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And this client of mine was also seeing so clearly how her whole life she had been so ashamed of her natural, normal expression of anger. She had been labeling it bad.
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And wrong and harmful.
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To be angry, she was seeing that she had her whole life.
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Most unconsciously been trying to pretend like she didn’t even have anger, but you can imagine what kind of breakthrough this was, and I’ll tell you one of the dozens and dozens of beautiful lessons when you work with shadow, when you work to reclaim the parts of yourself that you’ve.
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Disconnected from and disenfranchised from and or have decided are bad or wrong. One of the many, many lessons is that healthy.
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Or aligned anger and healthy and aligned boundaries are really closely related. In other words, if you’re putting your anger in shadow, you’re also very likely having a lot of trouble setting and holding boundaries and then suffering.
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Because of that.
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Well, with all of these breakthroughs and ahas.
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My client shared with us that morning.
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That she was finally choosing to own her anger and to own it fully.
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For her health.
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For her well-being.
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Thing.
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For the sake of growing her business for the sake of having more authentic relationships and so much more, and by the time she shared this, you couldn’t hear any nervousness in her voice anymore, you could just hear the certainty of all of this in her voice. This was.
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Of course, music to my ears as a facilitator, and because we had the space set aside inside of the curriculum, we had that full 90 minutes. And because I have the skills to be able to do this easily.
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On the spot I created and led this client through a somatic, highly experiential anger owning boundary reclaiming process.
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And not only that, I also involved the entire group in this process so that they weren’t just observers, but so that each person in the room was actively contributing as well as getting what they needed.
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Around this topic, the collective energy of the group supported this woman, who had been sharing, and it allowed her to go even deeper to claim her aligned anger and her aligned boundaries. You could this this early feel the shifts.
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That were happening in the room.
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Not just for her, but for each person, and I don’t want to sound hokey or over dramatic, but truly, it was like a group healing that was happening. And of course I wasn’t surprised by that at all, because this kind of thing.
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Happens routinely when I lead groups and I’ll share real quick also that as a direct result of that anger process that the entire group went through on the spot.
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Another woman in the room was so moved and so opened up that she was ready. She raised her hand and she shared she was ready to finally, after years and years and years, admit that she had always rejected.
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And repelled nurturance and support and love from others, she was always feeling like she had to be Superwoman and do it all and go at it all, all alone. Well, I bet you can guess what happened next in the room on the spot.
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I put together a deep and nurturing ritual where the woman who shared as well as each woman in the room could have the visceral experience of allowing herself to be supported.
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And nurtured and loved by the group, because the truth is that that one woman was speaking for everyone in the group on one level or another. We all have work to do on allowing ourselves to receive more.
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To be more supported to take in more love.
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By the time we got to the end of this ritual.
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And by the way, it all took way less than 90 minutes, but by the time we got to the end of it, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. It was one of those experiences from beginning to end with all of it.
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That people remember for a lifetime, right? And this is what we want in our retreats in our groups. We want our participants to remember it and the learning and the shifting for a lifetime.
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These moments of deep reckoning and change.
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They really illustrate why process time and making process time isn’t just an add-on because you have extra time. It’s where transformation often goes deeper and crystallizes inside of a group experience.
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It’s where the incredible curriculum and exercises that you put together get to go even deeper and make even more impact.
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A common mistake that group leaders and facilitators make is overloading their sessions with content and exercises, leaving little to no space for processing. And when this happens, your participants often don’t reach the depths of breakthrough that they could achieve.
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And the sense of community doesn’t gel as strongly when there isn’t that share and process time. I want you to remember deep work.
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Work isn’t only about the content, it’s about what participants make meaning of inside of the content and in the moment, and then processing is where those meanings can emerge even more.
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Fully some group leaders or facilitators worry that leaving a lot of open space for processing is going to make the group feel like you haven’t prepared enough content. But here’s the truth.
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When you are masterful with your curriculum, the content that you do share is going to be so rich and so layered that it will carry the weight of your program. Quality over quantity always wins.
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And as I said, the time for processing and for shares deepens the learning from your content. If you draw out lessons well during the process time.
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Your participants will not only absorb the curriculum, but they’re going to be able to more better personalize it and to more deeply integrate it into their own experience, process time and share time in this way.
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Becomes a form of curriculum in and of itself.
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OK so.
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All that being said, how do you create this in your groups? Well, obviously it takes a lot of skill and technique. You need your coaching and transformational skills and tip top shape. You need to know the INS and outs of creating experiential exercises.
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And you need to be really masterful to be able to create these kinds of exercises on the spot. And of course you need a really solid curriculum.
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To have amazing material and content to even yield the shares.
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And you also need really fantastic facilitation skills so that you can set your group up so that everyone in the room is open and trusting and willing and wanting to be vulnerable.
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I want to give you a few pointers today so that you can start to be able to have really powerful process time.
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In your groups.
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So #1, it’s kind of obvious. It goes without saying, but you’ve got to start by making sure you’re not stuffing and overstuffing your curriculum, right?
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Less is more, and that’s where you need to start. Can’t have process time if there’s not time for it. If you’re overstuffing your curriculum and I think this will be really helpful. One rule of thumb that I’ve developed through all of my years of creating and leading groups.
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Is this?
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The smaller the group, the less people in the group, the less curriculum you need and the more space you want to create for sharing, processing and spontaneous work.
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Smaller groups thrive on intimacy and flexibility, where the breakthroughs are going to emerge from so much of that open discussion and processing time.
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For larger groups, when you have more participants.
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You need a clearer structure and more curriculum to guide the experience so the process time in larger groups is still critical. You still want to make it, but it’s going to be a little more structured, a little less frequent. So balancing curriculum and process time.
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According to your group size and also a little bit according to if you’re in person or online, that’s going to ensure that participants feel supported without getting overwhelmed or lost in the structure. The balance is key.
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#2, here’s a second tip.
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Be willing and have the courage to have open share time so I know that so many group leaders are scared to even have the share time. They’re scared that.
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People aren’t going to share, right? And then it’s just going to be open, silent space, by the way, if you are worried about, go ahead and listen to episode 41. We had some podcast listener questions that I answered there and there was a question about what to do when there’s silence. Right. So go back and listen to that.
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If that’s one of your fears, oftentimes group facilitators.
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They don’t have the courage to make open share time because they’re scared of what people might share. They’re scared that people will share that they’re triggered or confused or stuck. They’re scared that people are going to ask a question that they don’t know how to answer. And then?
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They end up avoiding creating more process and share time. Don’t be scared of it, I really am here to tell you really. The point of this whole episode is how valuable.
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The process and the share time is I I want to encourage you.
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To leave space for the mystery and to allow your participants in your group.
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To sometimes lead you to where they need to go and where the group needs to go. This is really where so much of the transformation can happen.
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Hey, so that’s tip #2 be willing and have the courage.
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Here’s tip #3.
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And.
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Consider starting each retreat day with process time, right? I already shared that I do that. It can really set a beautiful and reflective tone for the day. It gets your participants speaking from the get go.
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And it really will help you track the group.
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Over a multi day experience and see what has transpired and evolved overnight. Also consider having open sharing and process time after big or deep exercises that you lead after an exercise that has maybe been particularly.
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Edgy or is meant to activate great breakthroughs. That’s when you want to open the space for sharing and processing. Give your participants the time to integrate their experience from the incredible exercise that you let.
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It will help reinforce their breakthroughs.
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Alright, here’s another tip. Go beyond asking the simple question. What would you like to share? That question can be good enough sometimes for open share and processing, but other times just simply asking what would you like to share? It’s not enough. It can fall flat in groups.
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Especially if really big things are moving for participants. So I want to invite you.
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You to think about what other ways can you ask this question to open up for shares that are really going to resonate for your group, and prompt openness and vulnerability.
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Thing about how you’re asking for shares.
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Next to I want you when your participants in your groups are sharing to really.
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Use all of.
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Your listening skills so that you can really hear the core and the most important pieces that your participant is sharing so that you can hear 3 layers beneath beneath the surface of what they’re sharing so that you can respond powerfully and effectively without wasting.
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Group time beating around the Bush. The stronger your listening skills are, the more your as the facilitator going to get it quickly know how to direct who you know the person that’s sharing and know what to ask them or do next.
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Yeah.
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Next tip?
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As we saw in the story that I shared today about my retreat, be willing to get creative and make up an exercise on the spot that’s going to meet your clients needs.
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Right, so this requires you being really confident and exercise design. Really knowing the in and INS and outs of how to quickly create a little ritual, a little process that’s going to help everyone. But please do this be willing get creative meet peoples needs.
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On the spot, sometimes you need to divert a little bit also from the curriculum that you’ve prepared, right, because you see the group needs something else first.
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And then the last tip, get the entire group involved, use anyones shares or questions for learning for the entire group.
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Right. So anytime one person is sharing in.
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The group or.
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You’re responding to one person’s share in the group.
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This is about the entire group, not just about that one person, right. And you want to be thinking about that, get the group involved. This is where the gold is in any group program, right. And you want to be able, as the facilitator, to turn individual insights.
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Into communal growth.
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OK so.
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As we start to get to the end of today’s episode, first of all, I hope that you loved it. I hope that you were taking notes on it, or if you were taking a walk while you were listening to this episode, maybe you’ll go back and listen again and take notes. And I have a little challenge for you.
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So taking into consideration everything that we’ve covered today, I want to invite you to reflect on the last group session that you led. And I want you to think about how could you have implemented more processing?
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And sharing into that.
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Take note of that so that you can bring those learnings and those ideas into your next group into your next workshop, into your next retreat. And please share your experiences with me. I’d love to hear from you on e-mail, on social media, what have you learned from today?
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How are you going to implement these tips into your next session?
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Thank you so much for joining me today. I really if nothing else, I want you to remember from today’s episode and take away that creating space for processing in your groups isn’t an afterthought. It’s where some of the deepest learning.
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And transformation in your groups can occur.
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And my dear listener, if you are just loving all of this content that I’ve been sharing about facilitating groups and putting together your curriculum, and if you know that you really are ready to create a group program that changes.
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Lives and helps you grow your business because your participants are so over the moon happy.
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Be by the work that you do together that they renew with you and they refer to you. Then I want to remind you about my upcoming training called Life changing courses. Life changing courses is starting in April. There is still time to step in and life changing courses is.
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The gold standard when it comes to helping you create a course that you are so proud of that you know, reflects how brilliant and powerful you are when it comes to creating a course.
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That really Co creates results with your participants and in life changing courses. I am there to hold your hand step by step as you learn how to craft incredible curriculum. As you learn facilitation skills, I am there to read.
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Your curriculum, as many times as you want me to and give you feedback. I am there to teach you about how to create sales page for your group program and I am there to give you feedback on.
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As always, I hope that you loved this episode. If you did, please give us five stars or a great review on whatever platform you’re listening on. Please share this with any friend who you think would really value it.
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And also, as always, feel free to reach out to me. I would love to hear from you.
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Until next time.
