Transcript
00:00:05 Joanna Lidenbaum
I’m Joanna Lindenbaum, a coach ritualist and all around transformation nerd who is obsessed with helping clients go deep to create more change and results with their clients. I created the coaching.
00:00:20 Joanna Lidenbaum
Revolution podcast to share with you coaching skills, tips and advice as well as a deeper understanding of human behavior and.
00:00:29 Joanna Lidenbaum
Of yourself so that you can do even better client work and group work. Grow your business organically.
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And know that you’re making a real difference in the world. This is about creating a revolution in the transformational industry so that more practitioners feel amazing.
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Ohh.
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About what they do and so that more of our clients experience life changing shifts, let’s get started.
00:01:02 Joanna Lidenbaum
So if you are listening to this podcast on the week that it drops, you’re going to be listening on my birthday week. I’m recording it a week before, but we are sharing it the week of my birthday and because of that I thought it would be a good opportunity to.
00:01:23 Joanna Lidenbaum
Share with you about what I do each and every year on my birthday, how I reflect what I reflect on and what I do as a yearly ritual to mark the transition from the old.
00:01:37 Joanna Lidenbaum
Year and into the new one. And the reason why I thought it would be a value to share it here with the coaching revolution community is because as coaches and therapists and transformational practitioners, it’s part of our jobs to help our clients mark transitions, sometimes those transitions.
00:01:58 Joanna Lidenbaum
Are going to be birthdays, anniversaries or marriages, divorces, graduations. Sometimes those transitions are gonna be about starting new ventures or ending ventures, starting habits, ending habits.
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In other words.
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Part of transformation and supporting our clients and transformation and supporting ourselves and transformation is marking beginnings and endings and changes of status. When we do this, it creates.
00:02:38 Joanna Lidenbaum
A ton of awareness and the kind of awareness that is created when we mark beginnings and endings and changes of status when we mark transition.
00:02:51 Joanna Lidenbaum
That awareness helps us celebrate our progress and our evolution, which we all need to do more of that kind of awareness helps us to honor what’s falling away and what no longer is.
00:03:08 Joanna Lidenbaum
That kind of awareness helps us to assess and then understand.
00:03:13 Joanna Lidenbaum
Our strengths and our weaknesses, our gaps and that kind of awareness also helps us better vision of future and future projects that are aligned for us. And of course, it helps us with so much more, in other words marking transitions.
00:03:34 Joanna Lidenbaum
Doing ritual around transitions, creating awareness around transition.
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Helps us so much with our coaching and with supporting our clients to evolve into who they are ready to evolve into and create and achieve what they’re ready to create and achieve. And because of all.
00:03:57 Joanna Lidenbaum
Of that I.
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Am really excited to share with you this birthday.
00:04:01 Joanna Lidenbaum
Which will that I have been moving myself through for the past 25 years each and every year for the past 25 years. You’ll get insight for how to better support your clients and also for how to better support yourself and.
00:04:18 Joanna Lidenbaum
And this particular birthday for me is a big one and a special one because I am turning 50 years old and because this one feels like such a milestone. I’ve already been doing some of the internal and psychic.
00:04:40 Joanna Lidenbaum
Preparation work for this biggie for turning 50 over this last month.
00:04:46 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I’ve been reflecting a lot on turning 50 where I’m at, where I’ve been, where I’m going. And so for those of you that want to hang around and listen to the podcast for a few extra minutes, I’ll be sharing at the end of the episode or I guess the second part of the episode.
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About some of my observations about turning 50 about this stage of life and where I’m landing in all.
00:05:15 Joanna Lidenbaum
With it, so I’m going to be sharing a lot on this episode before we jump into all of this. I wanted to make sure you knew that the art of client transformation, which is a three day virtual training that will basically break open your heart, mind and soul and help you understand your work as coach, leader or therapist.
00:05:37 Joanna Lidenbaum
In ways that will change you and your work forever. This is happening in September and Ioffer the art of client transformation only once a year, and it is the one opportunity to get 3 full online days with.
00:05:54 Joanna Lidenbaum
Me at a pay what you wish investment rate these three days of the art of client transformation are filled with so many coaching and transformational techniques, the kinds that yield massive breakthroughs. It’s filled with more content about the human behavior that you need to know to help Co create change.
00:06:16 Joanna Lidenbaum
Than most year long trainings contain and the three days also have so much for you by way of learning about more working.
00:06:28 Joanna Lidenbaum
Deeply and somatically with clients. There are so many tips. Also inside of these three days, tips and tricks for marketing more authentically and boldly, the value in the three days of the art of client transformation is unbelievable and it will level up who you are.
00:06:49 Joanna Lidenbaum
As a practitioner, whether you’re just beginning or whether you have decades under your belt of experience, the pay what you wish option for the art of client transformation is available only for another week.
00:07:05 Joanna Lidenbaum
So definitely check it out as soon as you can and I’ll drop a link for it in the show notes. OK, so on to my yearly birthday ritual I mentioned earlier that I’ve been doing this ritual for the last 25 years.
00:07:25 Joanna Lidenbaum
Without fail, I hadn’t missed a single year, and even before the last 25 years I’ve been doing a more rudimentary version of this ritual and.
00:07:37 Joanna Lidenbaum
And it’s one that is not only so important to me, but there’s something about it that builds year to year to year. There’s something about the power of the repetition of it each year. So it’s powerful in and of itself on its own. And then there’s something about the repetition.
00:07:58 Joanna Lidenbaum
But.
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So first let me.
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Take a step.
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Back actually and share with you generally what I usually do on my period like on the whole day of my period, I am a creature of habit, being the ritualist that I am.
00:08:18 Joanna Lidenbaum
And basically my birthday looks pretty much exactly the same each and every year, and I love it that way. I love kind of what I do step by step by step. So first of all.
00:08:38 Joanna Lidenbaum
As a rule, I never ever work on my birthday. Never. I won’t do it. Even when I worked a nine to five job, I took the day off on my birthday. Of course. Now it’s much easier that I own my own business. But to me, my birthday is like.
00:08:57 Joanna Lidenbaum
A major holiday and it absolutely needs to be a day of Joanna, even though of course I love my work. My birthday is work free and so this is generally what it looks like.
00:09:15 Joanna Lidenbaum
Usually wake up in the morning, don’t set an alarm, let myself sleep as late as I want to so I can be really well rested for my big day and I’ll start the day by getting my body moving. I’ll go for a nice walk or do some yoga and then I get showered.
00:09:35 Joanna Lidenbaum
And you know, usually on most days I don’t really get dressed up. I’m kind of like a jeans.
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Or exercise outfit kind of person. But on my birthday I will actually go into my closet and intentionally pick something nice and even wear little bit jewelry which is rare for me, but I’ll adorn myself and I like to feel like I look really nice.
00:10:03 Joanna Lidenbaum
On my birthday.
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And then I’ll start answering some of my texts and phone calls that I get from friends and family members who have, you know, already gotten in touch to wish me a happy birthday because I love my friends and I love that kind of connection. And it means so much that they’re celebrating.
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My birthday with me and thinking of me.
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From there.
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On my birthday, I will hang out with a dear friend of mine in town, so this part I’ve only been doing the last decade, but I have a dear friend in town named Mercy who has the same birthday as me and she’s kind of one of my soul sisters.
00:10:51 Joanna Lidenbaum
And we make sure to hang out on August 28th every single year, and it’s just a wonderful part of my day.
00:11:02 Joanna Lidenbaum
From there I will go to a local coffee shop local and privately owned. You know, small mom and pop coffee shop place and I will treat myself to an iced coffee and that is where and when I do part.
00:11:22 Joanna Lidenbaum
One of my birthday ritual. It’s the reflections part of the.
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Ritual and I’ll.
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Share that with you in a few minutes.
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After I do that and I get my iced coffee and I do my birthday reflections in a very particular way at the coffee shop, I head on home and I do Part 2 of my ritual at home. It’s a more private thing that I can’t really do in public.
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I’ll share with you all about that as well in a few minutes.
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That usually brings me to, you know, the late afternoon. The kids are usually getting home from school and John is getting home from work. And I usually like to just have a real low key evening on my birthday with John and the kids spend some time outside.
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Go out to a lukey dinner.
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And just really enjoy my family. I should mention that my wedding anniversary is the day before my birthday. So I got married August 27th, the day before my birthday. I will tell you it was not intentional and word for the wise.
00:12:42 Joanna Lidenbaum
Don’t get married the day before your birthday. Because sometimes your birthday can get a little swallowed up. If you’ve got those two things back-to-back.
00:12:50 Joanna Lidenbaum
Anyway, the day before my birthday on my wedding anniversary, John and I usually go out to a little bit of a fancier dinner to celebrate, and so even more so. That’s why I like my birthday to kind of be low key and nothing too fancy.
00:13:09 Joanna Lidenbaum
Alright, so that’s the day. That’s kind of a snapshot of the day. Let’s get in to the ritual part.
00:13:20 Joanna Lidenbaum
So first part of the yearly ritual I told you at the coffee shop I do journaling and reflections on the year. Now, for those of you that listened to my New Year’s podcast I shared with you back in January.
00:13:40 Joanna Lidenbaum
My New Year’s journaling and reflection, and if you haven’t listened to that episode, I highly recommend doing it. I take you step by step by what I do for my business by way of reflection at the beginning of every single year.
00:13:56 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I’m mentioning it now because my birthday reflections have some similarities to that. But where is the beginning of the year? Reflections? I tend to focus more on business and business plans and business assessments.
00:14:16 Joanna Lidenbaum
My birthday reflections, I tend to focus more on the personal with a little bit of business sprinkled in, because of course my work is just a big part of who I am and each year, so I’ll start my birthday reflections.
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By meditating on thinking on and journaling on.
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Celebrations and gratitudes.
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From the year.
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So I’ll really take my time. I don’t rush through this and I will make a long list of everything that has happened in the last year that has occurred, that is.
00:15:08 Joanna Lidenbaum
That is something that I want to celebrate. That is something that feels really good or that is something that I have a lot of gratitude for.
00:15:23 Joanna Lidenbaum
I start off with celebrations and gratitudes to start off with assessing the strengths and not just assessing strengths, but being able to take in all the goodness from the ear.
00:15:38 Joanna Lidenbaum
Are being able to see how lucky I am being able to really take in the pleasure of everything that I have and all that’s happened that is good.
00:15:52 Joanna Lidenbaum
And worthwhile. And of course I’m doing this as things happen throughout the year, but there’s something really powerful about taking the time at the end of the year and really honoring and acknowledging what’s been a.
00:16:12 Joanna Lidenbaum
He’s saying, and of course, pottering and acknowledging celebrations.
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Is 110% related to coaching skills. We as coaches as transformational practitioners. We need to have the skills to be able to support our clients to celebrate what is happening in their lives, to celebrate their resources.
00:16:38 Joanna Lidenbaum
And to celebrate their brilliancies, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And you know on the outset this can.
00:16:46 Joanna Lidenbaum
Found a little trite, you know, like cheerleading, right? Like, uh, there’s not much skill that goes into celebrating. And, you know, traditionally I think that’s how celebrating is taught in a lot of training programs. But what I want you to know is that there is so much skill.
00:17:07 Joanna Lidenbaum
And technique that goes into supporting our clients to not only celebrate what happens, but to what I call build the celebration muscle inside of themselves.
00:17:23 Joanna Lidenbaum
And that’s because it’s not always so easy to celebrate. Sometimes our clients won’t want to. They won’t feel like they’re good enough, or what’s happened is good enough to celebrate. Maybe they have trouble seeing the positive. Maybe they’re scared of the evil eye, et cetera, et cetera.
00:17:43 Joanna Lidenbaum
Etcetera. You know, maybe they have past experiences of parents kind of blowing sunshine up their tushies when it wasn’t really something to celebrate it. It wasn’t authentic. So you know, in sacred depths we spend.
00:18:00 Joanna Lidenbaum
A whole module on learning celebration skills and techniques and the human behavior behind celebrating and why it’s so hard to celebrate sometimes and then exactly how to support different clients to be able to do this because.
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It is such.
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A vital skill.
00:18:21
Well.
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And also it is really hard to support our clients to create what they want next in their lives if they don’t know how to celebrate.
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And not just give.
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Idlib service, but really embody.
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It it’s really difficult also.
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To support a client to foster deeper self love and self worth.
00:18:49 Joanna Lidenbaum
If they’re not able to deeply celebrate and embody it anyway, I went off on a little tangent there on my birthday. This is the first thing I do is I make a list of celebrations and there is no celebration that is too big or too small.
00:19:09 Joanna Lidenbaum
For my list and I also list out inner things as well as outer things, so not just things that happened but inner inner pieces, right ways that I have evolved or grown.
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Or things inside of me that I’m proud of.
00:19:33 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I don’t only make a list and just let it be words on the paper after I make the list, I slowly and with intention read it over.
00:19:48 Joanna Lidenbaum
I take it in I take each celebration and gratitude in so I haven’t yet done my reflections for this coming birthday, but I can give you examples even just off the top of my head, on things that I know.
00:20:08 Joanna Lidenbaum
A couple things that I know for sure are gonna end up on that list, so I always on my celebrations list.
00:20:15 Joanna Lidenbaum
Include vacations because I think vacations are big celebrations. It’s a big deal to go away. It’s it’s such an incredible experience. I love vacation and this last year we were able to, John and I went to.
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Ireland.
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And we were able to take a couple of weekend trips. We were able to take our yearly trip to the beach with the kids. And so I know all of that is going to go on my list and I’m going to take some extra time to just really be in gratitude for being able to have had those experiences. We got the dog this year.
00:20:56 Joanna Lidenbaum
They got Willa. I didn’t know how much I needed her until we got her. She’s been just such a love in our lives already. And so I.
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Know for sure.
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She’s gonna go.
00:21:10 Joanna Lidenbaum
On the list and you know another thing that is going to go on that list is that I have thrived and my business has thrived and I’ve found a way to make it through even though it’s been a really hard.
00:21:31 Joanna Lidenbaum
Fear for me personally, and I think that’s a really big celebration that I’m here. It’s been so hard that I’m here.
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I did it.
00:21:41 Joanna Lidenbaum
I’ve thrived and I’ll just give one more example. Another thing that I know is going to go on the list of celebrations for this year is that I finally, at almost age 50, started using moisturizer and sunscreen back in December.
00:22:01 Joanna Lidenbaum
I went on a girls weekend with some of my best girlfriends from high school and at some point in the weekend we each you know, we like to give each other a lot of advice. We rib each other, such old friends. We rib each other. We give each other a lot of advice.
00:22:16 Joanna Lidenbaum
Each and we kind of each together. We each came up with one thing that each of us had to start doing and mine. They were my. My girlfriends were horrified that I don’t use moisturizer daily and sunscreen daily. It’s been on my list for a lot of years, but somehow they gave me that kick in the tush.
00:22:38 Joanna Lidenbaum
I’ve started doing it. I feel very proud about it. OK, so first part of reflections, celebrations and gratitudes.
00:22:49 Joanna Lidenbaum
Next thing I reflect on on my birthday and I make a list of is that I acknowledge and honor what’s been difficult and challenging over the year. I acknowledge and I honor what’s been difficult and challenging in this is another coaching skill.
00:23:10 Joanna Lidenbaum
It’s a coaching skill that isn’t taught in many trainings. We, along with celebrations we teach it, we learn it deeply in sacred deaths because it is so important.
00:23:22 Joanna Lidenbaum
So that we don’t bypass.
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What has been hard, what has been challenging, what has been painful.
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What has been heartbreaking? It’s so important.
00:23:39 Joanna Lidenbaum
For us as practitioners to honor these things with our clients and to teach our clients to honor this inside of themselves and to do it in a way where we’re not complaining about the things that have been difficult and challenging to do it in a way where we don’t feel like.
00:24:00 Joanna Lidenbaum
Victims of what’s happened or of our circumstance.
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But instead to acknowledge.
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And honor what’s been hard.
00:24:13 Joanna Lidenbaum
In ways? Well, I just use the word that are honoring right in ways that are empowering in in ways that.
00:24:21 Joanna Lidenbaum
We’re just, we’re really honoring.
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Ourselves and what we’ve been through.
00:24:25 Joanna Lidenbaum
So again, I haven’t made my list for this year, but.
00:24:31 Joanna Lidenbaum
I know that they’re going to be a quite a number of things on the acknowledge and honor what’s been difficult and challenging for this year. It has been a particularly tough year for me personally. If you’ve been listening to podcast or part of the community, you know.
00:24:50 Joanna Lidenbaum
My mother passed away.
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This year.
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He might know that my younger daughter was we got her tested for ADHD. She was diagnosed. We had kind of a A.
00:25:02 Joanna Lidenbaum
Tough school year.
00:25:05 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I’ve had a whole website debacle, actually, the day that I am recording.
00:25:13 Joanna Lidenbaum
This podcast, hopefully it’s all going to be fixed. We’re switching over to a new website, but it it’s been it’s been a rough couple months with that anyway.
00:25:26 Joanna Lidenbaum
Very important to acknowledge and honor what’s been difficult. And then from there, the next reflection on my birthday that I journal on is.
00:25:40 Joanna Lidenbaum
What is it that I want to release?
00:25:44 Joanna Lidenbaum
What is it that I have been carrying?
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Over the last year or years or decades that I am finally ready to release that I know.
00:25:58 Joanna Lidenbaum
I don’t want to bring it with me into the next cycle into the next year.
00:26:05 Joanna Lidenbaum
And.
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This is one thing that I recommend if you do this or you direct your clients to do this. To do these reflections. This is the one thing that’s not a long list.
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Because it’s a big deal to release something.
00:26:29 Joanna Lidenbaum
It takes effort, it takes some energy, it takes intention, and if there’s 10 things on this list or more, there’s even more than five things on this list. It’s not going to happen, right? So I usually identify one, maybe to and in rare years.
00:26:50 Joanna Lidenbaum
Three things.
00:26:53 Joanna Lidenbaum
That I am going to consciously let go of release and not take with me into my next year. So as an example, I’m not sure what I’m going to choose this year yet, but as an example I might choose to release all of the frustration that I’ve had.
00:27:14 Joanna Lidenbaum
About this website debacle, I don’t want to bring that.
00:27:19 Joanna Lidenbaum
With me into my next year, or I might choose to release and I’ve kind of actually already done this. So I guess this can go on my celebrations list because it’s it’s a done deal. But just as an example, to release any beliefs that my younger daughter would be at a disadvantage in life because of that.
00:27:41 Joanna Lidenbaum
ADHD diagnosis, right. Because at first I had a lot of fear around that. So anyway, I’ll know what it is that I want.
00:27:50 Joanna Lidenbaum
To release.
00:27:53 Joanna Lidenbaum
And sometimes not always, but some years I’ll also include in my reflections lessons from the year. What are all the lessons I’ve learned from?
00:28:06 Joanna Lidenbaum
My achievements from my mess ups from the good, from the bad, from what I’ve observed. You know, what are the lessons? Lessons are a big deal. I feel like we don’t take the time enough to identify lessons from a year.
00:28:26 Joanna Lidenbaum
From a situation etcetera, etcetera, we are working.
00:28:31 Joanna Lidenbaum
In my business as a team to more consistently at the end of each launch, as we do assessments of the launch, what worked, what didn’t work, celebrations you know, etcetera, etcetera, it’s also say, well, what are the lessons that we learned here?
00:28:49 Joanna Lidenbaum
A lot of really good information can come out of that.
00:28:56 Joanna Lidenbaum
And then finally, the last thing I reflect on when I’m at the coffee shop on my birthday is I take all of this assessment of the last year and then look to well, what is it that I want to create in this coming year? What is it that I want to have happen in this coming year? What is it that I want to transpire?
00:29:19 Joanna Lidenbaum
In this coming year.
00:29:20 Joanna Lidenbaum
Both on the outer levels, so outer things that I want to have happen as well as inner. What is the the inner development that I want to have happen?
00:29:33 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I love this part of the reflection I get to vision and really look into and and get excited for the next year.
00:29:48 Joanna Lidenbaum
Create for the next year and it’s all based on the celebrations, the lessons, everything that’s transpired the year before.
00:29:59 Joanna Lidenbaum
I’ll include things on this. What I want to create list like vacations that I want to take, fun things that I want to have happen like I love to go to concerts and musicals, stuff like that. I’ll include stuff from my home. I’ll include what I want to have happen in my spiritual life.
00:30:19 Joanna Lidenbaum
Or with my health and my well-being when I want to have happen with work and my relationships.
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Etcetera.
00:30:31 Joanna Lidenbaum
So those are the reflections and journaling that I do as Part 1 of my birthday ritual. Again, I start with celebrations and gratitudes.
00:30:45 Joanna Lidenbaum
I move on to acknowledging and honoring what’s been difficult and challenging. Heartbreaking. From there, I move on to what is it? From this last year that I’d like to release, and then I’ll list out my all my lessons from the year.
00:31:06 Joanna Lidenbaum
And then from there I go into visioning.
00:31:09 Joanna Lidenbaum
I highly recommend if you’re going to do this or share this with your clients, that you spend time on each that this not be ohh let me do this in 10 minutes but that you make yourself a cup of tea or get yourself an iced coffee and really take a good 45.
00:31:31 Joanna Lidenbaum
Minutes to an hour.
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To move through each of these pieces, give it attention. Give it love, it’ll go deeper and be more meaningful and be more likely to be metabolized and embodied. If you take your time with it.
00:31:55 Joanna Lidenbaum
From there.
00:31:57 Joanna Lidenbaum
I move on to the second part of my yearly birthday ritual and this I.
00:32:02 Joanna Lidenbaum
Do at home.
00:32:04 Joanna Lidenbaum
I go home, I get cozy in my usual I what do I call it? Kind of like. Well, I don’t really meditate. It’s not a meditation place, but I’ve got this place.
00:32:18 Joanna Lidenbaum
In my bedroom where I sit on the floor right by my bed and it it’s my ritual place. It’s my place where I do a lot of my inner work, so I get settled there and I’ve got all my notes from my reflections with me.
00:32:36 Joanna Lidenbaum
And the first thing that I do then is I pull tarot cards. So I’ve been working with tarot cards for a long time, not in the way that most people do, by the way, not in a fortune telling way I use cards, whether they’re tarot cards or other cards.
00:32:58 Joanna Lidenbaum
In a very, very specific kind of psychological way that’s based on youngia and imagery work.
00:33:08 Joanna Lidenbaum
And and I teach all about it in one of the intensives in my program advanced stuff it’s it’s such an incredible tool that you can use for yourself and for clients. When you start to use imagery in different ways and youngin ways. Archetypal ways, but anyway.
00:33:28 Joanna Lidenbaum
On my birthday I have a very specific.
00:33:33 Joanna Lidenbaum
Spread that I pull that helps me go deeper with all of those journaling questions that I reflected on. And I do it and I do the specific work with each card and make notes.
00:33:52 Joanna Lidenbaum
And then from there I move in to what we would more traditionally think of ritual or ceremony. And it’s a three-part ritual that I do.
00:34:09 Joanna Lidenbaum
And before I share the ritual for those of you that don’t normally do ritual or ceremony, I’ve got a lot to share on it. We don’t have the time here. I teach a lot about it in a module, in sacred depths, and we do it four days in person.
00:34:29 Joanna Lidenbaum
A training on ritual and group.
00:34:33 Joanna Lidenbaum
Facilitation in a program that I lead called into the depths. I don’t read it every year, but do happen to be offering it this December. But what I want to share now, just as I go into this more ceremony, part of my birthday.
00:34:53 Joanna Lidenbaum
Is that ritual is an incredible way to make the intangible tangible.
00:35:05 Joanna Lidenbaum
For example.
00:35:06 Joanna Lidenbaum
In ritual, we take something intangible like a fear or a belief, and then we we make something tangible out of it and do something, and that signals to the psyche that we are ready to change.
00:35:27 Joanna Lidenbaum
We take visions that we have for the future. Right? Visions are intangible. They’re rolling around inside of us, but which will allows us to.
00:35:37
You.
00:35:38 Joanna Lidenbaum
Create a symbol of the vision, for example, to make something tangible, right, and that signals something to our psyche. It makes us more ready for it. It makes us more prone to create it, so ritual can be very powerful. That’s just one reason why.
00:35:58 Joanna Lidenbaum
So I’ve got this three-part.
00:36:02 Joanna Lidenbaum
Ceremony that I do to top off all of the reflections and the tarot and and all of that, the first part.
00:36:13 Joanna Lidenbaum
Is focused on that list of celebrations that I made and I.
00:36:21 Joanna Lidenbaum
Will take some.
00:36:23 Joanna Lidenbaum
Fragrant oil that I like.
00:36:28 Joanna Lidenbaum
And.
00:36:30 Joanna Lidenbaum
I’ll anoint myself with each celebration.
00:36:36 Joanna Lidenbaum
So I’ll go piece by piece by piece. Each thing I want to celebrate, and I’ll anoint different parts of my body as a way of symbolizing, really taking in, really embodying the celebration.
00:36:54 Joanna Lidenbaum
I will often also do this with the hardships.
00:37:02 Joanna Lidenbaum
That I’ve listed out those those challenging things that I want to acknowledge, and the idea is that I’m celebrating that I’ve endured each of those things that I’m still here, that I’m still thriving.
00:37:19 Joanna Lidenbaum
After having experienced those things, so I really I use the oils to go even deeper with the celebrations, with the acknowledgements and really take them in really own them.
00:37:33 Joanna Lidenbaum
From there I look at the thing that I am ready to release that I identified in my reflections, and I write it down on a piece of paper.
00:37:45 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I take time to honor this thing that I want to release for all the.
00:37:49 Joanna Lidenbaum
Ways that it.
00:37:50 Joanna Lidenbaum
Served me up until now.
00:37:53 Joanna Lidenbaum
And then I symbolically release it by burning the paper.
00:38:01 Joanna Lidenbaum
And then finally I move on to all of what I’ve reflected in terms of my vision for the next year and what I want to create.
00:38:11 Joanna Lidenbaum
And what I do with that is I usually get a very big kind of like pillar candle when I say big, I mean I guess long, high pillar candle.
00:38:25 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I carve a word or a symbol for each part of my vision into the candle as a way of the symbolically showing that I am setting the intention for it.
00:38:45 Joanna Lidenbaum
And then I anoint the candle with oil, and I light the candle.
00:38:54 Joanna Lidenbaum
Pretty much as much as I can over the coming weeks as a way of continuing to come back to and reignite that vision for myself.
00:39:07 Joanna Lidenbaum
OK. So that’s the birthday ritual I am going to kind of transition now and share some of those reflections and observations on turning 50.
00:39:23 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I’m going to keep this short, or else it would be at least a three hour episode. I’m going to share a few, just a few of the things that I’ve been observing in case you’re of a similar age or you have clients of a similar age and it’s helpful for you. And I’ll also say none of what I’m going to share in terms of these reflections on turning 50, none of it.
00:39:48 Joanna Lidenbaum
Is Uber revolutionary?
00:39:52 Joanna Lidenbaum
Probably all of it you’ve heard in one way or another before, and I thought a bit on whether it’s even worth it to share it here since it’s it’s not anything new.
00:40:09 Joanna Lidenbaum
Because I never just want to talk, even though I love to talk. I I always only want to share things if they’re of value, and I ultimately decided that it was very worthwhile to share these reflections because.
00:40:26 Joanna Lidenbaum
We often need to hear things many times over, and oftentimes in different ways.
00:40:34 Joanna Lidenbaum
In order to more deeply integrate that.
00:40:39 Joanna Lidenbaum
Alright, so here we go. This is reflection #1 on turning 50.
00:40:47 Joanna Lidenbaum
I see that I’m slowly learning to be OK with being a woman in perimenopause who is moving into menopause and that I’m also slowly learning to be OK with getting older and.
00:41:06 Joanna Lidenbaum
Aging.
00:41:07 Joanna Lidenbaum
So I’m going to be honest, for as feminist as I am and have always been, I prefer as much as I cognitively understand and have always understood that it’s OK to get old and look older and that we can age gracefully.
00:41:28 Joanna Lidenbaum
And beautifully.
00:41:30 Joanna Lidenbaum
I’ve also always been terrified of becoming older, especially as a woman.
00:41:40 Joanna Lidenbaum
I have been terrified of moving into perimenopause and menopause and not being fertile anymore and what that means about me. I have been terrified about starting to look older. And you know, while I don’t think I’m particularly vain.
00:42:01 Joanna Lidenbaum
Actually, only look in the mirror really only once or twice a week.
00:42:05 Joanna Lidenbaum
I have been scared of looking older. I generally think that aging looks great on other women. They’re so much beauty in it. But somehow for me it’s been a different story.
00:42:20 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I’m a little just a little ashamed to admit all of this to you, but it’s just the truth. And I want to. I’m sharing it because I want to normalize it for you in case you feel some of the same ways too.
00:42:35 Joanna Lidenbaum
Because for those of us.
00:42:36 Joanna Lidenbaum
That are evolved, it can almost feel like there’s something wrong with us, like we haven’t done enough of our inner work properly. If we’ve got some issues with getting older and I don’t think that’s true at all. But I definitely kind of had that shame for.
00:42:55 Joanna Lidenbaum
A while anyway. I’ve looked at my fear of getting older and of aging a lot and I have worked on this a lot over the last years and.
00:43:10 Joanna Lidenbaum
I know that a big part of this fear obviously comes from culture. Culture is not very kind to women as they age and mature, mature.
00:43:24 Joanna Lidenbaum
And even when we know better, it’s just so ingrained, right? It’s because we see it everywhere in media, in the movies, all of it. And I really believe strongly that we need to actively re message.
00:43:43 Joanna Lidenbaum
All of this for ourselves. We need to re message what culture, what patriarchy, what capitalism has taught us about getting older and what it means to mature in general, and then particularly for women, what it means to mature. But aside from culture.
00:44:04 Joanna Lidenbaum
Another big, big part of my fear of getting older?
00:44:09 Joanna Lidenbaum
Comes from very personal experience. It comes from my mother getting sick when I was so young and getting old before her time. She was 9 when she was diagnosed.
00:44:27 Joanna Lidenbaum
With multiple sclerosis.
00:44:29 Joanna Lidenbaum
And she became handicapped slowly, and then very quickly, things fell apart when she was in her 40s, and when she was in her 50s, she stopped walking all together.
00:44:45
Her.
00:44:46 Joanna Lidenbaum
By her 60s, she wasn’t only in a wheelchair, but she could barely use her hands.
00:44:55 Joanna Lidenbaum
And my mother also looked old before her time was from her illness. It was from all of the medications she was taking, and it was from the everyday struggle and hardship and trauma of what she was going through.
00:45:15 Joanna Lidenbaum
Starting from when I was in my late 20s, I didn’t get to receive from my mother some of the things that I desperately wanted from her, things that I witnessed, other women my age. A lot of women my age getting to have.
00:45:34 Joanna Lidenbaum
With their mothers.
00:45:36 Joanna Lidenbaum
I didn’t get to have that youthful, active mother.
00:45:43 Joanna Lidenbaum
I didn’t get to have girls lunches with her out together was very hard to get her out to a restaurant.
00:45:52 Joanna Lidenbaum
I didn’t get to have manicures with her or weekend trips.
00:45:58 Joanna Lidenbaum
My mother, because she aged before her time, wasn’t able to come with me to buy my wedding dress.
00:46:07 Joanna Lidenbaum
She was never able to come visit me in North Carolina or to see my kids in musicals or to go to their birthdays or graduations. We traveled to New Jersey.
00:46:21 Joanna Lidenbaum
Once a month every six weeks. Because I was so devoted and I wanted to see her, but she wasn’t able to participate in any of these other things. And of course, all of this really impacted me in many, many ways.
00:46:38 Joanna Lidenbaum
And all of this, and seeing my mother in this way and seeing, having this be my primary model for a woman’s getting older.
00:46:55 Joanna Lidenbaum
It caused me to have a lot of fear about getting older, but what I’ve noticed as I’ve been reflecting this summer in preparation for my 50th birthday.
00:47:08 Joanna Lidenbaum
Is that a good chunk of all of that fear has subsided over the last year or two, so I’m definitely in perimenopause and I have been for the last two or three years. My cycles are getting shorter.
00:47:26 Joanna Lidenbaum
I have definitive moods, we’ll call them moods sometimes, and usually I can tell when a mood is coming on. And I just ask poor John my hubby to leave the room or else he doesn’t know what hit him. And also as inside I’ll tell you, don’t get me started on what it’s like to live in a household.
00:47:47 Joanna Lidenbaum
Where one woman is going through perimenopause and two girls, a teen and a preteen are just starting to get their periods. The hormones in our household are flying everywhere.
00:48:04 Joanna Lidenbaum
Anyway.
00:48:04
I.
00:48:06 Joanna Lidenbaum
I think that facing the thing that I’ve been scared of for so long, right perimenopause leading into menopause. I think that facing it, experiencing it, it has helped me to slowly become OK with it.
00:48:28 Joanna Lidenbaum
Now that I’m in it and I see what it’s like, I’m no longer so scared about the fact that I’m not a younger woman and I can see now that I’m in it now that I’m going through it, that.
00:48:45 Joanna Lidenbaum
It doesn’t have to be.
00:48:47 Joanna Lidenbaum
Like my mother, that there is indeed life and good life, even when you move.
00:48:55 Joanna Lidenbaum
Past your fertile years.
00:48:58 Joanna Lidenbaum
Now that I’m in it, now that I’m aging, I’m OK that I have some wrinkles and sags. Well, OK, let me correct that. I’m mostly OK with it. I still absolutely sometimes get that ping of oof. I don’t look like I used to.
00:49:18 Joanna Lidenbaum
And also just the knowing that sometimes when I look tired, it’s not because I’m tired at all. It’s just how I look now. But anyway, I’m becoming more and more OK with that. I’m even almost OK.
00:49:32 Joanna Lidenbaum
With people at the supermarket calling me ma’am instead of Miss, which that’s a big thing here in the South, it really got my goat for a long time.
00:49:45 Joanna Lidenbaum
So part of the fear.
00:49:47 Joanna Lidenbaum
That.
00:49:49 Joanna Lidenbaum
Is subsiding. Part of the reason why the fear is subsiding is all of the work, the healing that I’ve done over this last decade around.
00:50:02 Joanna Lidenbaum
How I’m separate from my mother. I’ve done that deep inner work to get to really feel and know on a deep level that I’m separate from her.
00:50:14 Joanna Lidenbaum
That I am individuated.
00:50:18 Joanna Lidenbaum
That my body isn’t her body, that I’m from her, and we do have some similarities. But I’m also very, very different. My body is different.
00:50:32 Joanna Lidenbaum
And my self-care habits are radically different. And.
00:50:39 Joanna Lidenbaum
You you think maybe all of this would be obvious? You might be thinking to yourself, you already know that that you’re separate from her. Well, when you have a mother that was such a force, like my mother was.
00:50:54 Joanna Lidenbaum
And who was also sick for much of her life with?
00:50:59 Joanna Lidenbaum
A touch of narcissism. It does take more work on the daughters part to be able to individually to be able to be separate.
00:51:13 Joanna Lidenbaum
And.
00:51:15 Joanna Lidenbaum
While still loving right while still being in deep relationship with her.
00:51:20 Joanna Lidenbaum
And appreciating her, and I can feel a lot of that work paying off now as I become more and more comfortable with myself at this age and also just say part of the this fear of aging that has subsided.
00:51:41 Joanna Lidenbaum
For me is, I think that also when you get to be 50.
00:51:47 Joanna Lidenbaum
You’ve also come face to face with your mortality. You realize that you’re not going to be around forever, and, at least for me, there’s something about recognizing the preciousness of time that is allowing me to.
00:52:07 Joanna Lidenbaum
Be grateful for each age that I get to experience and everything that comes along with it right, including the sags and the Gray hair and the menopause and all of that.
00:52:23 Joanna Lidenbaum
Anyway, this leads.
00:52:24 Joanna Lidenbaum
Me to my next reflection or observation about turning 50.
00:52:31 Joanna Lidenbaum
And there’s another one I I feel really good to be able to share. I I feel kind of proud of myself on this. I’ve become so much better over the last few years at enjoying life and taking pleasure in it.
00:52:51 Joanna Lidenbaum
So you may know this about me. I spent so much of my late 20s.
00:53:00 Joanna Lidenbaum
My 30s and a good part of my 40s being interested and prioritizing achievement and productivity.
00:53:13 Joanna Lidenbaum
And getting validated.
00:53:16 Joanna Lidenbaum
And proving to the world and to myself that I’m amazing.
00:53:21 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I’m not making any of that wrong. I I think it got me really far and it was meaningful to me.
00:53:31 Joanna Lidenbaum
To do all that and to be that way, and also of course it would be a lie to say that I don’t anymore have the drive to achieve. I definitely still have the drive to achieve. I’m a type of person.
00:53:46 Joanna Lidenbaum
Who has a?
00:53:47 Joanna Lidenbaum
Big mission in this world and there’s still a lot that I hope to do.
00:53:52 Joanna Lidenbaum
And create and achieve.
00:53:56 Joanna Lidenbaum
But that being said, what I notice about myself as I move towards 50.
00:54:05 Joanna Lidenbaum
Is that my professional goals and success? They don’t define me as much as they used to. It’s not that I’m not interested in them. I am. They’re important to me, but they just don’t define me.
00:54:22 Joanna Lidenbaum
In the same ways or as much as they used to, and these days instead.
00:54:29 Joanna Lidenbaum
I’m much more interested in, and I’ve prioritized pleasure and presence.
00:54:38 Joanna Lidenbaum
So instead of.
00:54:39 Joanna Lidenbaum
Achieving more, what’s more important to me is to use my time to really take in what is good.
00:54:53 Joanna Lidenbaum
To really enjoy.
00:54:56 Joanna Lidenbaum
To really be present to the goodness and allow myself to take pleasure in what is, I am someone who for most of my life, and you know, many of us are. I’m not alone in this is prone to see what’s wrong.
00:55:16 Joanna Lidenbaum
Prone to focus on.
00:55:17 Joanna Lidenbaum
The struggle.
00:55:20 Joanna Lidenbaum
And in doing that.
00:55:23 Joanna Lidenbaum
I’ve missed out all that time I missed out on taking in pleasure.
00:55:32 Joanna Lidenbaum
On enjoying life, enjoying all that there is.
00:55:39 Joanna Lidenbaum
As a part of that.
00:55:41 Joanna Lidenbaum
These days I’m also more interested in slowing down how I experience time.
00:55:50 Joanna Lidenbaum
And really being there for it in it present to it as opposed to being in my head so much when I’m in my head, I lose time and you know, like I said earlier, as I I get older, I I’m realizing how precious time is. I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose it.
00:56:10 Joanna Lidenbaum
Being in my head, I don’t want to lose it from overworking.
00:56:16 Joanna Lidenbaum
From worrying.
00:56:19 Joanna Lidenbaum
From complaining from being on the struggle bus, so much so no perfection here, a lot of those things are still there, but I have made a very intentional I’ve set the intention over these years to be more present and to prioritize.
00:56:40 Joanna Lidenbaum
And being enjoy, enjoying and taking pleasure and I intend.
00:56:48 Joanna Lidenbaum
For sure as I move into my 50s to make that even more of a priority. And of course, while I still am contributing as much as I can to the world so that others can have things to enjoy and take pleasure in as well.
00:57:10 Joanna Lidenbaum
And I guess that’s a little bit related. I’ll share one more observation for now, something that I’m experiencing as I head towards 50 and it’s on the topic of legacy.
00:57:24 Joanna Lidenbaum
So legacy is.
00:57:26 Joanna Lidenbaum
A word that I really never resonated with.
00:57:31 Joanna Lidenbaum
Until the last year or two. So yes, of course, I’ve always wanted to make a difference in the world. I’ve always wanted to make positive impact. I’ve always wanted to serve. I’ve always wanted to leave this world for the better because of something that I’ve contributed. But that being said.
00:57:53 Joanna Lidenbaum
I never really thought about what lasting impact well beyond the span of my life. I could make. I never really thought about what is the mark that is uniquely mine, that could continue to grow or be passed down or evolve long.
00:58:13 Joanna Lidenbaum
After I’m gone.
00:58:16 Joanna Lidenbaum
I just. I didn’t think that was for me. I I I don’t know why, but I didn’t. But now that I’m at 50 and again now that there’s that mortality thing, legacy is starting to resonate for me.
00:58:33 Joanna Lidenbaum
I see it as a way of living on even after you pass, and there’s something about that that brings a lot of comfort to me and.
00:58:45 Joanna Lidenbaum
By the way.
00:58:47 Joanna Lidenbaum
As I’m talking about legacy right now, it’s not coming from an eagle place of, oh, I’m so great or brilliant that I’m gonna leave a legacy. It’s not that. It’s about, it’s about really knowing that we’re all meant.
00:59:08 Joanna Lidenbaum
To leave the world a better place than how we found it, and for that impact to live on. And I know for sure part of my legacy are my children and wow, even as I say that it’s kind of bringing some tears to my eyes, you know?
00:59:28 Joanna Lidenbaum
One of my legacy is my children and and they are of course their own people. They get to individuate. But knowing that I’ve done my best will continue to do my best to instill.
00:59:41 Joanna Lidenbaum
Certain values into them and life lessons so that they can pass that on to the world, to the community, you know, to the world at large.
00:59:53
I know that the local.
00:59:54 Joanna Lidenbaum
Community work that I do.
00:59:58 Joanna Lidenbaum
Is part of my legacy. The ways that I support, for example, my kids schools.
01:00:06 Joanna Lidenbaum
And then.
01:00:06 Joanna Lidenbaum
Of course.
01:00:08 Joanna Lidenbaum
There is my work work, my business and what I’ve created and what I am creating out in the world through my work. That is my legacy. So I’ve been meditating a lot lately on what is legacy. What is this?
01:00:29 Joanna Lidenbaum
And what is it that I’d like for my legacy to be?
01:00:35 Joanna Lidenbaum
And while I’ve been meditating on it, I’ve also come to understand to recognize that sometimes we can’t fully direct what our legacy is going to be. It’s what others are going to make of what we create, do contribute, and leave behind. So I’m still in process.
01:00:57 Joanna Lidenbaum
With this one for sure, but it’s really lighting me up to think about it and I can see already in small ways. It’s inspiring certain projects.
01:01:09 Joanna Lidenbaum
That I want to work on. It’s informing decisions that I’m making, and so I’ll definitely share more on this as it evolves for me, OK.
01:01:23 Joanna Lidenbaum
I think I’m going to end this episode here because or else I could keep talking all day long, I really, really hope that if you’ve made it to the end of this episode that you’ve enjoyed it, that you’ve received inspiration for yourself.
01:01:44 Joanna Lidenbaum
That it has moved you in.
01:01:47 Joanna Lidenbaum
All of the ways that.
01:01:48
That.
01:01:48 Joanna Lidenbaum
It’s meant to move you. I’d love to hear what resonated for you. I’d also love to hear what your birthday rituals are, ways that you’re using rituals with your clients. I’d love to hear your reflections on turning 50 if you have been.
01:02:08 Joanna Lidenbaum
Along with me lucky enough to reach that age. Oh, and remember my invitation from earlier in the episode to join us for the art of client.
01:02:21 Joanna Lidenbaum
And if it’s been calling to you, I would love to see you there. It is. Pay what you wish right now it’s just such a great deal. We go so deep. We do so much there. And as always, it would mean the world to me if you were to share this podcast with anyone.
01:02:41 Joanna Lidenbaum
And everyone who you think might get value from it, you’re spreading the word is my best way of getting this work into the hands of those who need it, and we’ll use it to make the world a better place.
