One of the worst feelings in the world is seeing that a client is engaging in self-sabotage, yet not knowing, as the coach, how to guide her out of this behavior.
When a client is engaging in self-sabotage behavior, it can look like:
- Client has stopped taking actions toward her goals
- Client is taking actions that are actually moving her backwards instead of forward
- Client is in a place of fear, shame and self-judgment
I’ve come to learn over many years of coaching (& self- reflection) that self-sabotage is rarely an isolated experience. It’s usually part of a bigger cycle that keeps the client continuously spinning on the Wheel of Sabotage, and if you don’t know how to support your client to get off that Wheel, they will remain stuck in in-action or anti-action for a very long time (& generally become frustrated at themselves and you).
My client Jaya has a great story about this.
Jaya is an amazing business coach – she’s got quite a number of years of experience and client successes under her belt, and her clients love her because she goes deep and the work changes their entire lives. She doesn’t just create cookie cutter plans with them, but rather supports them to transform on a deeper level and un-do their stuck patterning & behaviors…and then combines that with amazing business strategy for full-force results.
One day, Jaya came to me because a client of hers had been stuck for a good 6 weeks without any sign of movement whatsoever.
When Jaya and I looked at her client case together, we saw clearly that her client was self-sabotaging her business by barely taking any of the visibility actions that she and Jaya had strategized together.
Her client was totally frustrated, mired in self-judgment and also starting to get impatient with Jaya. And Jaya was feeling like she was failing her client.
I taught Jaya all the details she needed to know to coach the Wheel of Sabotage. In a nutshell:
I walked her step-by-step by step through the 3 phases of any sabotage cycle or “wheel”
I showed her how those cycles come full circle to phase one and keep on going until the cycle is stopped correctly
I walked Jaya through the exact questions to ask her client, so that together they could identify the phases of this particular client’s Sabotage Wheel
I taught Jaya the exercises she needed to know to determine which phase of the wheel was the weak link, and how to help her client break free from that Sabotage Wheel
A week later, Jaya reported to me she was able to help her client identify her particular Wheel of Sabotage. This client’s Wheel was:
- Having an underlying belief of “I’m not good enough”, which led to =>
- Having a Fear of Visibility, because more visibility would equal more people seeing she wasn’t good enough, which led to =>
- The Self-Sabotage actions of basically not taking any action toward visibility, which led to =>
- Proving the belief of “I’m not good enough” correct because she wasn’t making any progress…
…and on and on the Wheel would turn round, getting stronger and stronger each time.
Not only was Jaya able to bring awareness to the Wheel of Self-Sabotage for her client – she also reported to me that by using the exercises I taught her, she had successfully led her client to break the cycle and step off that wheel, and…her client was now consistently taking the strategic actions she needed to take toward visibility in her business!
And guess what?
A month later, Jaya’s client was still taking the actions she needed to take to bring more visibility to her business…and it was paying off in more prospects and sales!
There are definitely lots of details and tools you want to learn in order to help your clients through self-sabotage, but the first place you want to look is for the Wheel and the exact phases of the Wheel…and then find the weak point that can break the Wheel for good.
If you’d like to be able to guide any client – even the trickiest ones – off the Wheel of Self-Sabotage and into consistent positive action and satisfaction, then I’d love to mentor you in the Sacred Depths Coach Training Program.
