If you are in the business of working with human beings, no matter how amazing you are, a moment will come when a client will get pissed off at you, judgmental of you, or overly-demanding.

It can at first feel really icky. You can feel like you’re not doing a good enough job, like you need to give more and more, and like other professionals are doing a much better job than you. You can also find that you don’t know what to do next with the client.

When you encounter a client who is being Judgmental and demanding in this way, it might sound something like this (maybe not these exact words, but this is at the core of what they say or write to you):

You’re not doing it good enough

You’re not giving me enough

I’m not getting what I deserve here

The things you’re doing aren’t working for me, and you should know better!

I don’t like this part and this part and this part of your program

You’re not meeting my needs

You need to change “this” right away

So what do you do when this happens?

1) Manage Your Own Triggers so you can Love & Respect Yourself & Your Client:

Usually, the first thing that happens for a practitioner when their client goes into Criticism, Anger, Judgment, or Demands is for the coach to internally freak out, to feel really terrible about themselves and their performance, or to feel helpless or to get angry back at the client.

None of these reactions will help you to shift your client out of their resistance and into a more open place. So the very first thing you want to do when you encounter The Judge or The Demanding One in a client is to work on your own triggers.

Working on your own triggers means really unpacking your own beliefs around anger, around over-giving, around boundaries, and around feeling like you’re enough. This is an important element of the work I do when I train coaches because you can have the best coaching skills in the world, but if you’re triggered or not bringing aligned ‘energetics” into your coaching relationships and conversations, you’re not really able to help your clients.

2) Objectively Assess if You’ve Missed the Mark in Your Deliverables:

When a client shows up as demanding or faulting you for something you haven’t done for them, 9 times out of 10, if you’re a masterful and ethical practitioner, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with what you’ve delivered or how you’ve shown up. Chances are you’ve really performed well and given what you’ve promised.

But that being said, there is always the outside chance that you have misstepped in a considerable way, not delivered on a promise, or not met a legitimate need.

This is why it’s really important to objectively hear your client’s concern (or anger, or demand), assess if there is something you’ve missed, and, if you have, problem-solve on how to right the wrong or provide for the need.

3) Lovingly Work with & Address Your Client’s Resistance or Shadow

As I said above, 9 times out of 10, when a client is angry at you or demanding that you haven’t done something right or enough…it’s usually NOT true. And it’s not about you.

It’s about your client.

And her own Resistance to Growth or Shadow of Anger or Judgment.

Now, working with client Resistance is a BIG topic, and I teach those techniques thoroughly in Sacred Depths Coach Training and the Navigating Client Resistance Training.

But here are a few pointers to get some wheels spinning for you. You want to be able to:

–Don’t be scared of your client’s emotions, anger, or judgment
(as soon as you get scared or intimidated or make it mean something about you, you’re not as equipped to lead)

–Lovingly call out & create awareness for your client around the pattern that’s coming up for her
(people that get angry or judgmental generally don’t do it out of thin air. They have a history of it, whether they realize it or not, and are patterned to do so as a coping mechanism, or trauma response, or self-sabotage vehicle. As their coach, you want to be able to lovingly yet firmly guide your client to awareness around their pattern).

–Create Space for New Solutions, Energies, and Patterns for your Client to Lean Into
(do this in a variety of ways, including helping her own the higher level Shadow energy, or re-working the Origin Story, or Re-Wiring the Neural Pathway, and much more!)

4) Be Clear On Agreements

When you’re not clear from the get-go on agreements, responsibilities, logistics, and deliverables, a LOT of miscommunication can happen…which leads to judgment, upset, anger, or demands. Be clear on Agreements from the very start of your work with a client!

So there you have it! Some beginning pointers on how to handle pissed-off or overly demanding clients. Would love to hear your takeaways on this one!

And…if you want a more detailed version of this article with more riffing and personal stories from me, check out this week’s podcast!